Moreshet Shaul: Character Refinement – part II | Various Rabbis | Beit Midrash

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Last time, we saw Rav Yisraeli’s thesis on how the change-seeking, state-building generation gave their children a level of autonomy that the children turned into chutzpa.
Our segment of society (the religious settlement movement) also threw off the yoke of "extra manners." Members of the moshavim stress the fact that they do not wear ties; sleeves are rolled up and collars are thrown to wherever they end up, as a sign of independent simplicity. There is also simplicity in relations between people – titles of honor are discarded and are replaced by the title chaver – friend/colleague (= co-member of the cooperative). No Mr. and no Reb, just chaver. There is a disagreement how to relate to the rabbi. Some want to view him as just another member of the community; some want to see him as above this framework.
These simple and straightforward relationships pulled along a similar relationship between our children and their teachers and parents. We are proud that we have created such friendly relationships between a son and his father, and a mother and her daughter. A daughter asks her mother’s advice, and the mother tells her daughter her secrets.
In practice, they indeed do uproot the feeling of embarrassment toward parents and adults, but it is unclear if this uprooting will bring significant fruits. Respect for parents was removed, but relations of a friend to a friend were not quite acquired. The young look at the previous generation the way members of the previous generation look at themselves – a human being who already lived most of his life and received most of what he is going to get out of life, and therefore one who should vacate his place for the next generation. It is the young who are coming to conquer, and the older person is unable to understand even if he tries, so the older should just do what the younger want. This desire, the lack of restraint, the lack of a guiding force – who knows where it is liable to lead?
With all of the simplified relations between people, without any extra flourishes, it also develops naturally that one relates as equals to those who he should be respecting. An example is speaking in the second person, not only when the "distance" between them is small, but even when it is large. It behooves us to stress that speaking in the third person existed in the times of our forefathers. Eisav used it ("my father shall get up" (Bereishit 27:31). In contrast, Yaakov said "get up" (ibid. 19) in the second person, but he used the "soft" language of "na" along with the verb. This shows the heartfelt feeling and the relationship of respect for his father.
Within the family and the community, we find a distinction of different levels of obligation regarding giving respect within the framework of the family and the community. Respect for one’s parents, which goes together with reverence for one’s parents and all that is included in these concepts, sets the mold of the structure of the Jewish family. There are also mutual obligations of respect for a wife toward her husband and a husband toward his wife (see P’sikta Bamidbar, Korach 114). All of these help form the infrastructure of the Jewish home. We are also obligated to show honor to scholars and to the elderly. We also find the idea of showing honor to elderly non-Jews who experienced many things in their lifetime (see Kiddushin 33a). We are even obligated to show honor to friends: "The honor of your friend should be as dear to you as your own" (Avot 2:10).
We continue next time.