Rabbi David Sperling
Question
whats the best thing someone can say to a jew to prevent them from dating a gentile, if that other person is already dating the gentile?
Answer
Shalom, Thank you for your question. Seeing Jews dating and marrying non-Jews is always heartbreaking. Out first and strongest emotions are to do everything we can to stop the terrible loss to the Jewish people, and to personally help the person in question. However, as Hashem has given free will to all people, we should start with the knowledge that no matter what we do, the ultimate choice (and responsibility) lies not with us, but with them. Now, as to what to say – that will very much depend on who the person is, what our relationship is to them, and what is the chance they will listen. If there is no chance they will listen to us, then it is better (in my opinion) to keep up friendly and good relationships with them, in the hope that in the future they might return to Judaism. If though they might listen, then it is worth trying to speak to them. There are many article online that might give some direction as to how such a conversation might go (see https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/108396/jewish/Intermarriage.htm) . But, ultimately, there is no one correct way to approach such a talk – and, as we said, each person and situation is different. Many blessings.
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