Rabbi Yoel Lieberman
Question
Hi do we always need to say bli neder when making an arrangement eg ill do this later bli neder, ill see you later bli neder. isnt this over the top? Also if we say I swear - this is not a shvuah that the torah refers to is it?
Answer
ב"ה The Shulchan Aruch takes the issue of Nedarim quite seriously and unlike other mitzvot and even sins, the Shuchan Aruch writes sort of an introduction at the beginning of Hilchot Nedarim (שו"ע יורה דעה סי' רב) describing the severity of not fulfilling nedarim. A neder is binding in different forms of which I will not get into detail in this forum. for example, a neder is binding sometimes even without words, such as if someone completely made up his mind to give tzedaka. Normally, a neder would be binding when a person takes upon himself verbally to fulfill a mitzvah, such as setting a time or quota how much and when he is going to learn Gemara, to visit the ill, or to do something to respect his parents. In these cases, in order to avoid the problem of having made a neder, a person should say "bli neder". However, if you will tell your friend or son that you will play ball with them later during the day, it does not require to say bli neder, However if you cannot fulfill this promise from the point of view of "ben adam lechavero" one should apologize such as not to hurt someone's feelings, though not from the neder aspect. The same would be if you say you will buy milk and eggs later for example, that you don't have to see bli neder. Nonetheless, there are those who took upon themselves the stringency of saying bli neder even for things which are not compulsory , so as not to stumble in the sin of nedarim.(קיצור שולחן ערוך סז:ד) All the best and Chag Same'ach
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