"FIND MY SPOUSE"- Kohanim Can also Help! | Rabbi Ari Shvat | Beit Midrash

Beit Midrash

Torah Portion and Tanach
Bamidbar
Naso

קטגוריה משנית

Parashat Hashavua Series'Library Piskei Din (Hebrew)Test Yourself

FIND MY SPOUSE- P. Naso: Kohanim Can also Help! Q. I've been searching for several years, and can't seem to find my "soul-mate". The Torah must give some advice on this super-important topic? A. Like with any significant issue, it's most important to invest the time and effort in the most logical beneficial ways for the topic at hand, & not look for "short-cuts". Life is exactly about challenges, hard work and decisions (=free-will), and there are no "magic words" to solve these essential challenges. Accordingly, if one has difficulty managing alone, you would be wise to refer to a specialist: in this case, there are many matchmakers (shadchanim) and dating systems for all different types, levels of religiosity, outlook, etc. [Please note: I didn't list psychologists among the first specialists to turn to, for often they confuse the issue instead of simplifying it, and I haven't seen them as very helpful here. Most normal people just need to find the "right one" & wasting time analyzing your parents often does more harm than good!]. Also, we should all help each other in this national endeavor by setting up your local or familial singles! It's an outstanding chessed and a relatively easy way to Imitateo Dei [=be Godly, for He too invests in shidduchim, Breishit Rabba 68, 4].
Also, try staying away from long "breaks" in between relationships, for they often waste time, and timing here is of the essence (especially for women & their "biological clock"). It's important to shorten your long list of expectations & "necessary pre-conditions" as much as possible, for this isn't "Amazon", and the right guy for you inevitably doesn't have "everything" and isn't perfect, just as you are not. Shlomo HaMelech advises that "finding favor in someone's eyes" is often surprising & unexpected (see Kohelet 9, 11). Just look for basic compatibility (e.g. similar ideals, making Aliya…) and mutual fondness, but every experienced couple will tell you that anyway, the real relationship is "built" davka AFTER the marriage, with hard work and conscious efforts of constant giving.
Similarly, it's definitely an advantage if his parents have a good marriage & you both come from similar backgrounds. I may add that altruism, caring and loyalty are important characteristics for building a good marriage, and those aren't just traits to look for in others, but also attributes to consciously acquire yourself & show him/her that you possess.
I'll just add that in addition to the importance of praying to Hashem for help, this week's parsha teaches us not a "Segula", but something that Hashem promises can literally help the singles! Kohanim can help here, for the 2nd of their 3 brachot finishes "ויחוניך", "and you shall find favor in the eyes of others". Kohanim should definitely have this meaning in mind, as Hashem tells them (Bamidbar 6, 23-27): "כה תברכו את בני ישראל... ואני אברכם", "so shall you bless Bnei Yisrael, and [G-d] will bless them". Obviously the singles should show up to shul as often as possible (in Israel every day, and abroad, on Festivals) in order to daven, as well as to receive this G-dly bracha! Shabbat Shalom & B'Sha'ah Tova!! Rav Ari Shvat (Chwat)

Naso