YeshivaThe torah world Gateway
Beit Midrash
- Shabbat and Holidays
- The High Holidays
- S'lichot
Translated by Hillel Fendel
Answered by Rav Uriel Tuito
Question: What happens if someone does something bad to someone else, but the perpetrator cannot ask forgiveness (because the other one harmed him physically or verbally)?
Answer: The question is not 100% clear, so I will answer both possibilities. Perhaps you mean that the offended party is not willing to forgive. In such a case, you are no longer responsible. That is to say, first you must ask forgiveness with total sincerity, and compensate him for whatever damages you caused. If he is not willing to forgive, you should ask again in the presence of three people, and then again in this manner if necessary. Once you have done that, you are in the clear.
But perhaps you mean that you are the one having trouble asking forgiveness, because you don't regret what you did. In such a case, this is something you must do teshuva for. Even if someone hurt you physically or verbally, you can still forgive and forego. This of course is not always easy, and requires strength of character and hard work on one's traits – but it is possible. The more one learns of the value of teshuva and of the greatness of being willing to forego insult, the easier it will be for him to forgive others who have hurt him.
Therefore, the advice given in cases like these is to study mussar works on the value of teshuva, and especially Mesilat Yesharim (The Path of the Just) by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzatto (18th century). This work contains detailed guidance on how to improve one's traits and how to overcome the arrogance that makes it so hard to forgive others.
May you be inscribed for a happy new year.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answered by Rav Shmuel Holstein
Question: I have a friend who has hurt me very much, more than once. She knows what she did and has asked forgiveness, but she doesn't really know the extent of what she caused me. I spend lots of time with her and I act as if everything is fine, but deep inside I find it hard to really forgive her; I'm still very hurt. I would like to know what I should do so that I can know how to really forgive her. Is there something I could study on this topic, or maybe something that could help me work on my character or something like that?
Answer: First of all, it is very important that the two of you talk it out. Just that alone will help to cool off your resentment, and will even help you understand her side – and she will understand you better as well, of course.
In addition, it would be a good idea to learn the Talmudic passage in Tr. Rosh HaShanah page 17a on the bottom. It describes the great merit and reward of one who is able and willing to forego and forget an insult that was inflicted upon him. The Talmud says that Rav Huna ben Rav Yehoshua took very sick, and burial arrangements were already being made for him. Soon, however, he became healthy – after the Heavenly Court decided that he deserved to live for longer simply because he never used to stand on his own honor and would forego insults. I imagine you, too, would be glad to have the Heavenly Court not be very exact with your faults, right?!
Wishing you great success!
Answered by Rav Uriel Tuito
Question: What happens if someone does something bad to someone else, but the perpetrator cannot ask forgiveness (because the other one harmed him physically or verbally)?
Answer: The question is not 100% clear, so I will answer both possibilities. Perhaps you mean that the offended party is not willing to forgive. In such a case, you are no longer responsible. That is to say, first you must ask forgiveness with total sincerity, and compensate him for whatever damages you caused. If he is not willing to forgive, you should ask again in the presence of three people, and then again in this manner if necessary. Once you have done that, you are in the clear.
But perhaps you mean that you are the one having trouble asking forgiveness, because you don't regret what you did. In such a case, this is something you must do teshuva for. Even if someone hurt you physically or verbally, you can still forgive and forego. This of course is not always easy, and requires strength of character and hard work on one's traits – but it is possible. The more one learns of the value of teshuva and of the greatness of being willing to forego insult, the easier it will be for him to forgive others who have hurt him.
Therefore, the advice given in cases like these is to study mussar works on the value of teshuva, and especially Mesilat Yesharim (The Path of the Just) by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzatto (18th century). This work contains detailed guidance on how to improve one's traits and how to overcome the arrogance that makes it so hard to forgive others.
May you be inscribed for a happy new year.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answered by Rav Shmuel Holstein
Question: I have a friend who has hurt me very much, more than once. She knows what she did and has asked forgiveness, but she doesn't really know the extent of what she caused me. I spend lots of time with her and I act as if everything is fine, but deep inside I find it hard to really forgive her; I'm still very hurt. I would like to know what I should do so that I can know how to really forgive her. Is there something I could study on this topic, or maybe something that could help me work on my character or something like that?
Answer: First of all, it is very important that the two of you talk it out. Just that alone will help to cool off your resentment, and will even help you understand her side – and she will understand you better as well, of course.
In addition, it would be a good idea to learn the Talmudic passage in Tr. Rosh HaShanah page 17a on the bottom. It describes the great merit and reward of one who is able and willing to forego and forget an insult that was inflicted upon him. The Talmud says that Rav Huna ben Rav Yehoshua took very sick, and burial arrangements were already being made for him. Soon, however, he became healthy – after the Heavenly Court decided that he deserved to live for longer simply because he never used to stand on his own honor and would forego insults. I imagine you, too, would be glad to have the Heavenly Court not be very exact with your faults, right?!
Wishing you great success!
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
Rabbis in Midrash
Lessons
fast navigation
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 9 - "Seeing is Believing" (parag. 21-30)
These paragraphs elaborate on the theme that seeing and knowing is better than any attempt to prove logically, and begins explaining the difference between Israel and gentiles.
Ein Aya Various Universal Stages of the Geula Process
Rav Kook examines the various stages of redemption, explaining how (in addition to the obvious oft-mentioned stages of ingathering the exiles, reviving the Hebrew language, army, state etc.) the messianic dream of world prosperity, the State of Israel and world unity can and are realistically and logically gradually coming true.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
How do we know that the "claim" of mass revelation to 2,000,000 witnesses at Mt. Sinai is really true? This important class answers all of the questions skeptics ask about this claim of the Kuzari.
Ein Aya Armies Still Necessary for Balance & the War Against Wars
Rav Kook explains why the world was originally divided into the various seemingly contradicting ideologies and cultures, in order to develop each one respectively. Swords or armies symbolize how each respective ideology defends themselves, as well as deters their opposing ideologies and cultures. On the other hand, the messianic era will be one of peace, and Rav Kook explains the transition to that stage, which mankind is already undergoing.
The Land of Israel LGBT'S IN ISRAEL
The question was asked, how can one make Aliyah with the LGBT parades?
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 7 - Five Accumulative Proofs of G-d
As a preparation for the Kuzari's classic proof of G-d from the mass-revelation at Sinai, we start here with 5 other directions to strengthen our belief which also contribute to what the Kuzari will present as well.
Ein Aya Muscle & Meaning: The Dual Nature of Gevurah (Physical Strength)
Is physical strength and fitness a necessity or an ideal? Although it if often totally overlooked among topics of Judaism, Rav Kook writes that it clearly is also a necessity to deter the many enemies of Israel, but even in Y'mot HaMashiach, in the Messianic era, to a certain extent, it's ideal continues even after our enemies will have been finished off.
