Hello, can a Rabbi clarify is one's zivug determined 40 days before they are born or 40 days before conception? Thank you

The Talmud in Sotah 2a states that "40 days before the creation of a person" a heavenly "voice" states who will marry who, and what field will end up in the hands of a certain person. Nevertheless, I feel that it's much more important to stress the unfortunately very common misconception here, especially found among many young women. There are many various commentaries, both ideological and kabbalistic, on the different sources on the topic. Accordingly, it's complex and we don't know all of the factors involved "behind the scenes". As always, it's best not to choose a spouse based upon one particular understanding, albeit popular, of that passage, but rather according to the "nigleh", what's revealed, "known" and logical, and that's the Meiri's explanation there (that "zivug rishon" which is "bashert" from Heaven is particularly regarding when parents made matches for their young children, where it's obviously not based upon their spiritual and moral merits, but "straight" from Heaven). If a person is a mentch, idealistic, observant and there's basic compatibility, "chemistry" and attraction between the two, that's what's important. We can't know before or even after a marriage if it was "my bashert" or not, because our free will and actions are really what decides whether it will succeed or not, our patience, love, giving, altruism, understanding, etc. That's what free will is about, to destine one's fate. Like parents, our Father in Heaven wants to help us, but an essential part of that loving help is to give us free-will, teach us how to mature, and granting us the pleasure of being independent. Even when something is “meant to be”, and God introduces us to our “bashert”, ideal soul-mate, man has free will and can “mess it up”, or conversely, to “fix it up”, by continuing the search, where together with prayer and constant initiative (e.g. going to “match-makers”, asking married friends to set you up with their spouse’s compatible friends, etc.), BH it should hopefully work out! Even when our rabbis teach us that 40 days before a child is created…, nevertheless, we usually only reveal who it is after investing a lot of time, effort, sweat, and tears into building that relationship! I have no idea what the success rate of these match-makers are, but I myself BH have had several successes, and you really never know, and must continue trying, until something hits (but even then, the main point is always the effort after marriage). In short, although it's always important and good to pray, it's much better (!) not to think too much about our "bashert" for it often (!) throws people off the mark, turning things "inside out" and "upside down" rather than seeing things as they really are, through natural and straightforward human understanding. Act naturally and as we wrote before, use your common sense, intuition, free-will and pray! All of life includes the interaction between man's free-will and God's "running the show". But we have to focus on our (!) side of that equation, and don't worry, God will grant us that which is best for us (BTW, that often doesn't mean the easiest way!!). Again, our role is to destine our fate, and succeed through love, giving, altruism, understanding, etc., after (!) the marriage (everyone experienced will tell you that the main key to success is after the marriage). Don't waste time or confuse yourself trying to figure out what God is doing, for you probably won't understand anyway, and He wants us to do our part, not His. Rav Ari Shvat (Chwat)