YeshivaThe torah world Gateway
Beit Midrash
- Family and Society
- The Jewish Household
- Marriage and Relationships
My parents are separated and in the process of getting a divorce, and my husband and I feel as if we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am naturally more attached to my mother, and as a result my father claims that I take her side in their conflicts. On the other hand, when I invite my father for Sabbath, my mother gets angry at me. We are in a constant dilemma regarding what we are permitted to do and what we are not. Should we speak with both of them in an attempt to make peace between them? In this manner, all of the problems would be solved.
Answer:
So long as a married couple is not separated by bill of divorce, any attempt to convince them to return to one another, by clarifying and rectifying matters, is a mitzvah. Sometimes, however, a relationship reaches a state in which any comment or attempt to retrieve domestic peace has a boomerang effect. As their children, you must certainly desire and attempt to make peace between them, yet before all else you must gage whether or not there is any chance they will listen to you. If there does not appear to be any chance of mending things, do not bring the matter up. Instead, focus on improving the situation within the framework of the existing conditions.
Regarding the disputes between your parents, the proper path to take is to avoid any involvement whatsoever. Even if it sometimes appears as if you can be of help, this is an optical illusion. Family members, in the vast majority of cases, only worsen the predicament when they intervene. Therefore, be wise and keep yourselves out of any arguments between them.
The only thing that you can do, and it would be a good idea for you to do so, is to direct your parents to counseling. If there are still any chances of mending matters, they must be directed to marital counseling. If not, the purpose of directing them to counseling is to help them settle their dispute and thus achieve a complete separation easily and quickly, in as much as this is possible, without any lingering hard feelings.
Regarding the desired conduct in the face of accusations from both sides: As a family, you must make your decisions independently. This, of course, must be done with as much consideration for your parents as possible. Do not, however, allow yourselves to reach a state in which your parents are setting your agenda, each one deciding whether or not you may visit or host the other.
You have a proper relationship with both your father and mother, each one in his or her independent circle. If your father has complaints, be wise and avoid addressing them directly. Instead, address the relationship in general. Do not tell him that it is not true that you give preference to your mother, ect., rather, tell him, "Dad, you know that we love and respect you, and we desire only the best for you. We will never stop helping you with whatever we can." You must, of course, address your mother's accusations in the same manner.
At the same time, continue to host and be hosted as best suits you, and in accordance with your own needs and good judgment, even if you end up spending more time with one parent than the other. There is no obligation to maintain a precise balance, and the circumstances call for different types of relationships with mother and father. "He who makes peace on high, He will bring peace upon us, and upon all of Israel, and say Amen."
Rabbis in Midrash
Lessons
fast navigation
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 9 - "Seeing is Believing" (parag. 21-30)
These paragraphs elaborate on the theme that seeing and knowing is better than any attempt to prove logically, and begins explaining the difference between Israel and gentiles.
Ein Aya Various Universal Stages of the Geula Process
Rav Kook examines the various stages of redemption, explaining how (in addition to the obvious oft-mentioned stages of ingathering the exiles, reviving the Hebrew language, army, state etc.) the messianic dream of world prosperity, the State of Israel and world unity can and are realistically and logically gradually coming true.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
How do we know that the "claim" of mass revelation to 2,000,000 witnesses at Mt. Sinai is really true? This important class answers all of the questions skeptics ask about this claim of the Kuzari.
Ein Aya Armies Still Necessary for Balance & the War Against Wars
Rav Kook explains why the world was originally divided into the various seemingly contradicting ideologies and cultures, in order to develop each one respectively. Swords or armies symbolize how each respective ideology defends themselves, as well as deters their opposing ideologies and cultures. On the other hand, the messianic era will be one of peace, and Rav Kook explains the transition to that stage, which mankind is already undergoing.
The Land of Israel LGBT'S IN ISRAEL
The question was asked, how can one make Aliyah with the LGBT parades?
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 7 - Five Accumulative Proofs of G-d
As a preparation for the Kuzari's classic proof of G-d from the mass-revelation at Sinai, we start here with 5 other directions to strengthen our belief which also contribute to what the Kuzari will present as well.
Ein Aya Muscle & Meaning: The Dual Nature of Gevurah (Physical Strength)
Is physical strength and fitness a necessity or an ideal? Although it if often totally overlooked among topics of Judaism, Rav Kook writes that it clearly is also a necessity to deter the many enemies of Israel, but even in Y'mot HaMashiach, in the Messianic era, to a certain extent, it's ideal continues even after our enemies will have been finished off.
