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Yehudah ben Hadasah Hinde Malkah
We have a two and a half year old boy, and another child is on the way. My husband is compelled to go abroad for a number of months, and we decided to put our son in a daycare center in order to make things easier on me. I explained to him that at present, while daddy is away, it will help me a lot if he would go willingly to his daycare center. Nevertheless, he cries continuously there. I am virtually torn apart inside because it might not be good for him to be there. Should I persist, or go back to keeping him at home with me all day?
Answer:
One of the wonderful things about childrearing is that according to a child's responses we can identify our own problems. By being wise enough to look at ourselves through their eyes we are able to improve ourselves. As you noted, your son is very bright, and he senses things that you are not aware of. The first principle of child education is to make decisions and stick to them and not to leave any room for uncertainty.
When a child senses that his mother is not completely comfortable with a decision, he understands that the decision is not a very good one. The child reads the picture very accurately. When your son began crying the first time - a completely natural response when children begin attending daycare - he could sense that you were not sure that this was a good place for him to be. And if this is your feeling, well then the child feels it ten times more. He intensifies his weeping and your doubts deepen.
When you send him to a daycare center, you must know and feel that this is the best possible place for him: He is together with other children his age, there is a nursery maid who sees to all of their needs, etc. These are the points that cause you to feel completely satisfied with his attending daycare. You have to hug him and part with him with a kiss, full of confidence that in a number of minutes he will stop crying. The child senses your calm even when you are at home and he is in the daycare center.
Your question contains another matter that should be addressed. You write that you explained to your son that he must attend daycare in order to make things easier for you. However, at his age he still thinks only about himself. He will go to daycare happily if you tell him that it is the best thing for him - because at home he has no friends but at daycare he has many friends.
When you tell him that he is going in order to lighten your load he becomes offended. He feels as if his presence bothers you, and this is difficult to take, even for a small child. In addition, you have essentially given him the responsibility of being Mom's helper. You require him to understand that you are alone at home, without your husband, and you want him to accept the responsibility of helping you - by going to daycare.
In summary, change your way of thinking on these three points: first, be resolute in your decision to send your son to daycare; second, explain to him and to yourself that this is the best thing for him - not you; third, do not give him responsibility before he is ripe enough to accept it. If you follow this path, I am certain that in a number of days your son will go joyfully to daycare.
The Education of Children and Students The Heavy Price Paid by Rabbis, Leaders & Their Children
Ein Aya, Shabbat 2, 240
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
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Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 9 - "Seeing is Believing" (parag. 21-30)
These paragraphs elaborate on the theme that seeing and knowing is better than any attempt to prove logically, and begins explaining the difference between Israel and gentiles.
Ein Aya Various Universal Stages of the Geula Process
Rav Kook examines the various stages of redemption, explaining how (in addition to the obvious oft-mentioned stages of ingathering the exiles, reviving the Hebrew language, army, state etc.) the messianic dream of world prosperity, the State of Israel and world unity can and are realistically and logically gradually coming true.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
How do we know that the "claim" of mass revelation to 2,000,000 witnesses at Mt. Sinai is really true? This important class answers all of the questions skeptics ask about this claim of the Kuzari.
Ein Aya Armies Still Necessary for Balance & the War Against Wars
Rav Kook explains why the world was originally divided into the various seemingly contradicting ideologies and cultures, in order to develop each one respectively. Swords or armies symbolize how each respective ideology defends themselves, as well as deters their opposing ideologies and cultures. On the other hand, the messianic era will be one of peace, and Rav Kook explains the transition to that stage, which mankind is already undergoing.
The Land of Israel LGBT'S IN ISRAEL
The question was asked, how can one make Aliyah with the LGBT parades?
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 7 - Five Accumulative Proofs of G-d
As a preparation for the Kuzari's classic proof of G-d from the mass-revelation at Sinai, we start here with 5 other directions to strengthen our belief which also contribute to what the Kuzari will present as well.
Ein Aya Muscle & Meaning: The Dual Nature of Gevurah (Physical Strength)
Is physical strength and fitness a necessity or an ideal? Although it if often totally overlooked among topics of Judaism, Rav Kook writes that it clearly is also a necessity to deter the many enemies of Israel, but even in Y'mot HaMashiach, in the Messianic era, to a certain extent, it's ideal continues even after our enemies will have been finished off.
