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- Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions
Answer: It is good that you not only regret what you did but want to make amends properly. Given that there are many unknown pertinent factors (to us and even to you), we will provide general rules and ideas. You can decide yourself or ask us or others for further advice.
The gemara (Bava Kama 118a-b) brings opinions and distinctions on the level of awareness the victim needs for the return to remove the thief’s culpability. We now present the Shulchan Aruch’s (Choshen Mishpat 355:1) summary regarding inanimate objects, which we will call money. If the victim knew money was stolen, he must become aware it was returned, although the realization need not come at the time of return. If the victim was unaware the money was stolen, it is enough return it to his possession without any knowledge [but in a way that he will get to use it].
There are different opinions whether the victim’s knowledge of the theft means that he saw the thief taking it (Rashba, Bava Kama ibid., who says he then has to remove the victim’s grievance) or just that he became aware (Ra’avad, ibid.). The Shulchan Aruch’s language implies that general knowledge suffices. However, it is unclear how to view a case when one notices he cannot find money but considers many possibilities – it was stolen; it was lost; he misremembered how much there was; or it will show up soon. In your case, you are unsure what your father knows/suspects. It is at least proper, if not required, for your father to become aware that he has more money at his disposal than he thought he had prior to the return, and this would fulfill your basic obligation.
Let us now put things in broader moral perspective. A main discussion in the halachic sources is on whether if the questionably returned object gets lost, the thief is still obligated. This is likely linked to when one fulfills the positive mitzva to return the stolen object (Vayikra 5:23), which significantly weakens the theft’s stain and consequences (see Makkot 16a). Indeed, one cannot get atonement for repenting on sins between man and man without rectifying the wrong to the extent possible, e.g., by returning what was stolen (Rambam, Teshuva 2:9). One must also appease a victim over the hurt (practical and/or emotional) caused by the sin (ibid.). Regarding theft, if one takes something and returns it five minutes later without the owner’s knowledge, there is no hurt. If someone has $15,000 stolen for years, he might have lost opportunities when it was needed, and/or spent unpleasant time looking for it and worrying, and/or have been upset wondering if someone stole it, who, and why, etc. Therefore, it behooves the thief to ask explicitly for forgiveness.
Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions (652)
Rabbi Daniel Mann
596 - ASK THE RABBI: MENTION OF ROSH CHODESH IN AL HAMICHYA AFTER DARK
597 - ASK THE RABBI: COVERING ONE’S FACE DURING BIRKAT KOHANIM
598 - ASK THE RABBI: EARLY LIGHTING AND/OR LATE BERACHA
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