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Beit Midrash
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- Chemdat Yamim
- Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions
Answer: We will take a brief look at the Halacha and also the personal side.
The prohibition on simcha for an avel is most severe during shiva, but the gemara (Moed Katan 22b) says that an avel for a parent may not go to a wedding for twelve months. The gemara struggles with a category of happy social interaction called simchat merei’ut (of friendship), and the halacha is that it is forbidden for twelve months (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 391:2).
Two main parameters are crucial on ruling in various cases. 1. How festive is the event? 2. How important is it for the avel to be there? Weddings are the pinnacle of festivity, yet an avel can go to his child’s wedding because a proper wedding is unfeasible without him (see Rama ibid.). The Rama (ibid.) cites a machloket about taking part in the seuda of a brit and pidyon haben (considered low-intensity celebrations) in which the avel is not a principal. The Rama concludes: "The custom is to not eat at any meal in the world for the whole twelve months, if it is outside the house."
There is a machloket about taking part in a seudat siyum. The Shach (YD 246:27) says that an avel during the twelve months may take part in it (see also Gesher Hachayim I, 22:2:6). The Beit Lechem Yehuda (to YD 391:2) says he may only do so if he is making the siyum, and the Chochmat Adam (166:2) is skeptical about permissibility in light of the Rama’s minhag. I did not find discussion of a seudat hodaya, but it is parallel to a siyum in that they are optional seudot mitzva (see Living the Halachic Process VI,H-3) that are not particularly time sensitive (see Shach ibid.) and are done in a not overly festive manner.
Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions (654)
Rabbi Daniel Mann
585 - Ask the Rabbi: Kiddush and Havdala in Shul
586 - Ask the Rabbi: An Avel Attending a Seudat Hodaya
587 - Ask the Rabbi: Not Hearing Morning Kiddush
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You have no outright obligation to make a seudat hodaya, and there are other ways to thank Hashem (including tzedaka and adopting laudable practices, while stating that it is bli neder). Since there is no strict time limit, it can make sense under the right circumstances to put off the seuda for weeks or a couple months so that your dil can take part normally, considering her centrality.
However, in most healthy relationships, it is not expected that an avel’s limitations should change the broader family’s life in a major way. (Depending on family size and sensitivity of its members, it can sometimes even be unwise). "Bending over backward" to make sure the avel does not miss things can also sometimes put pressure on the avel to take part when they do not feel comfortable doing so. We would generally say that open communication and avoiding subtle pressure on the avel is the best way to go about it from your perspective. Hopefully your dil will reciprocate with full understanding if it makes sense for you to go ahead with a seudat mitzva that she may choose not to take (full) part in
Rabbis in Midrash
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Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 9 - "Seeing is Believing" (parag. 21-30)
These paragraphs elaborate on the theme that seeing and knowing is better than any attempt to prove logically, and begins explaining the difference between Israel and gentiles.
Ein Aya Various Universal Stages of the Geula Process
Rav Kook examines the various stages of redemption, explaining how (in addition to the obvious oft-mentioned stages of ingathering the exiles, reviving the Hebrew language, army, state etc.) the messianic dream of world prosperity, the State of Israel and world unity can and are realistically and logically gradually coming true.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
How do we know that the "claim" of mass revelation to 2,000,000 witnesses at Mt. Sinai is really true? This important class answers all of the questions skeptics ask about this claim of the Kuzari.
Ein Aya Armies Still Necessary for Balance & the War Against Wars
Rav Kook explains why the world was originally divided into the various seemingly contradicting ideologies and cultures, in order to develop each one respectively. Swords or armies symbolize how each respective ideology defends themselves, as well as deters their opposing ideologies and cultures. On the other hand, the messianic era will be one of peace, and Rav Kook explains the transition to that stage, which mankind is already undergoing.
The Land of Israel LGBT'S IN ISRAEL
The question was asked, how can one make Aliyah with the LGBT parades?
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 7 - Five Accumulative Proofs of G-d
As a preparation for the Kuzari's classic proof of G-d from the mass-revelation at Sinai, we start here with 5 other directions to strengthen our belief which also contribute to what the Kuzari will present as well.
Ein Aya Muscle & Meaning: The Dual Nature of Gevurah (Physical Strength)
Is physical strength and fitness a necessity or an ideal? Although it if often totally overlooked among topics of Judaism, Rav Kook writes that it clearly is also a necessity to deter the many enemies of Israel, but even in Y'mot HaMashiach, in the Messianic era, to a certain extent, it's ideal continues even after our enemies will have been finished off.
