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Answer: We will start with the less pressing and less severe matters – the inuyim (Yom Kippur prohibitions) of washing, anointing, and shoes. The Magen Avraham (introduction to Orach Chayim 624) permits them before Havdala. Several poskim (including the Machatzit Hashekel ad loc.; Shulchan Aruch Harav, Orach Chayim 624:15) assume that these are permitted even before any declaration of Havdala (i.e., in Ma’ariv or "Baruch Hamavdil …). On the other hand, some are machmir even on these inuyim before Havdala (Eliya Rabba 624:1) and others are inconclusive as to whether at least Hamavdil is required (Mishna Berura 624:2). Therefore, there is little reason to not simply say Hamavdil first if he did not yet daven Ma’ariv or forgot to say Ata Chonantanu, and that suffices. This would make it parallel to the requirements before doing melacha on Motzaei Shabbat (see Shulchan Aruch, OC 299:10).
On Motzaei Shabbat, it is forbidden to eat or drink before making Havdala (Pesachim 105a; Shulchan Aruch, OC 299:1) because the obligation of Havdala is upon him. The same is true regarding Havdala after Yom Kippur. To be clear, at least after saying Hamavdil, the prohibition is related to the need for Havdala rather than an extension of the prohibition of Yom Kippur. Therefore, it is permitted to drink water, as it is on Motzaei Shabbat (ibid.). Although it is true that many have the minhag not to drink even water on Motzaei Shabbat, that is a chumra based on mystical reasons (Rama, OC 291:2). This probably does not apply at the end of Yom Kippur, and even if it does, it should not stand in the way of one who is thirsty due to fasting, and considering that low hydration is unhealthy. On the other hand, the minhag is to just hold on another few minutes until after Havdala. Therefore, one should not drink in front of everyone in shul, and several poskim are willing to permit drinking water only when there is some special level of need (see Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata 62:25 (low-level need); Rav Elyashiv, cited in Ashrei Ha’ish III, 21:28 (higher-level need)). Rav SZ Auerbach is also cited (Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata 62:(59)) as saying that one should drink water after Yom Kippur only after he has done Havdala in davening or by declaration (see (ibid.) why this is more necessary than on Motzaei Shabbat).
Sho’el U’meishiv (III:I:129) says that it is even possible, when important and in private, to drink water during Ne’ila which extends past tzeit hakochavim (a rare occurrence, especially in Israel). S’dei Chemed (vol. IX., p. 177) is highly skeptical about this possibility but does not fully disprove it.
The halachic situation is slightly different for women. It is unclear whether women are obligated in Havdala, even on Shabbat (see Shulchan Aruch and Rama, OC 296:8). Therefore, there is logic to claim that we can be more lenient on women’s eating before Havdala after Yom Kippur (see Chayei Halevi III:43). Yet, poskim are reluctant to allow this because there is danger to the lives of those who eat before Havdala without justification (see Pesachim 105a; Piskei Teshuvot 299:1). Usually women, especially Ashkenazim women, avoid making Havdala themselves due to the doubt whether they are obligated in it (Rama ibid.), and it is possible that this is even more recommended after Yom Kippur when it is not also Motzaei Shabbat (Mateh Ephrayim 624:7). Nevertheless, poskim recommend that a woman who is hungry while waiting for her husband to come home after Yom Kippur should feel free to make Havdala and then eat (Shut Shevet Halevi III:43; Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata 62:(86)).
Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions (652)
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