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  • Can We Get Married?

Marriage before older brother


Rabbi Elchanan Lewis

22 Iyyar 5767
I have been dating a girl for nearly 5 months now. i have known that i wanted to marry her after 2 months. i have an older brother who has specifically said he does not want me going ahead of him. he is almost 25 and i am almost 21. My parents simply back him up. Can i do anything halachacly and do you have any advice?
Dear David The Halacha is very clear and simple You do not have to wait at all; if you found your wife you should marry her despite your brother (Igrot Moshe EH 2:1) or your father (Tzitz Eliezer 15:34). It will be appropriate to ask the permission of your older brother yet not essential. (Minchat Yitzchak 8:125) However, it is not a good way to start your married life fighting with your parents and brother. I have a feeling it may not be the fact you are going ahead of your brother rather the fact you are very young (or the girl in not good enough), this is a valid concern on behalf of your parents, they love you and care for you. You will have to try to convince them that you are mature enough to get married, make your own decisions and to start your own family. It will be good if you have a rabbi who can influence your parents on this matter. In any case make sure you don't disrespect your parents even if you go ahead without their approval. All the best.
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