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Yehudah ben Hadasah Hinde Malkah
We have a two and a half year old boy, and another child is on the way. My husband is compelled to go abroad for a number of months, and we decided to put our son in a daycare center in order to make things easier on me. I explained to him that at present, while daddy is away, it will help me a lot if he would go willingly to his daycare center. Nevertheless, he cries continuously there. I am virtually torn apart inside because it might not be good for him to be there. Should I persist, or go back to keeping him at home with me all day?
Answer:
One of the wonderful things about childrearing is that according to a child's responses we can identify our own problems. By being wise enough to look at ourselves through their eyes we are able to improve ourselves. As you noted, your son is very bright, and he senses things that you are not aware of. The first principle of child education is to make decisions and stick to them and not to leave any room for uncertainty.
When a child senses that his mother is not completely comfortable with a decision, he understands that the decision is not a very good one. The child reads the picture very accurately. When your son began crying the first time - a completely natural response when children begin attending daycare - he could sense that you were not sure that this was a good place for him to be. And if this is your feeling, well then the child feels it ten times more. He intensifies his weeping and your doubts deepen.
When you send him to a daycare center, you must know and feel that this is the best possible place for him: He is together with other children his age, there is a nursery maid who sees to all of their needs, etc. These are the points that cause you to feel completely satisfied with his attending daycare. You have to hug him and part with him with a kiss, full of confidence that in a number of minutes he will stop crying. The child senses your calm even when you are at home and he is in the daycare center.
Your question contains another matter that should be addressed. You write that you explained to your son that he must attend daycare in order to make things easier for you. However, at his age he still thinks only about himself. He will go to daycare happily if you tell him that it is the best thing for him - because at home he has no friends but at daycare he has many friends.
When you tell him that he is going in order to lighten your load he becomes offended. He feels as if his presence bothers you, and this is difficult to take, even for a small child. In addition, you have essentially given him the responsibility of being Mom's helper. You require him to understand that you are alone at home, without your husband, and you want him to accept the responsibility of helping you - by going to daycare.
In summary, change your way of thinking on these three points: first, be resolute in your decision to send your son to daycare; second, explain to him and to yourself that this is the best thing for him - not you; third, do not give him responsibility before he is ripe enough to accept it. If you follow this path, I am certain that in a number of days your son will go joyfully to daycare.
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Shlach Lecha "Why So Many Don't Make Aliya?" - Parshat Shlach
This short article deals with the weird phenomena that every single time Am Yisrael is meant to enter the Land of Israel, throughout the Tanach, 2nd Temple and until today, they "chicken out" and look for excuses. What's the problem with this mitzvah that proves so challenging. The article, based on sources, suggests that the difficulties of Eretz Yisrael is precisely her secret and beauty!
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 4
The class deals with Islam and how the Muslim tries convincing the King of the Khazars, and why he was also rejected.
Beha'alotcha JEWISH STATE= GUIDE TO G-DLINESS & SELFLESSNESS
A Jewish State not only is a good idea, but educates us towards selflessness, altruism and G-dliness in our daily lives.
Ein Aya In Zion Even the Smoke of the Bark is Sweet
Just as Jewish nationalism is different from others, so too our capitol of Jerusalem is totally different than other national capitols. Rav Kook beautifully explains the passage in the Talmud that the trees of Yerushalayim were cinnamon trees.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 3
The second speaker invited to convince the Khazar King is the Christian, who presents their beliefs. Even before the questions of the King, "between the lines", the author R. Yehuda HaLevi already begins disproving them.
Ein Aya "Intimacy: Love, Life & Giving or Egocentric Taking & Expiration"
Today, many confuse between intimacy in marriage, based on love, giving and life which are diametrically opposed to empty "sex", pornography and prostitution which destroyed the Beit HaMikdash. The practical importance of clarifying this topic in today's western society is obvious, especially for young adults.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 2
The King of the Kazars, in his search for truth, starts by inviting the philosopher. This is a "crash-course" on Aristotelian philosophy and the reasons why the king is not convinced. Through this dialogue, R. Yehuda HaLevi already foreshadows some of his central ideas that will appear later.
Shavuot "Love of Torah = Love of Israel"- for Shavuot
People often identify Judaism as just a religion, but upon examination, we see, even halachically and explicitly in the siddur, that the Torah is dependent upon Am Yisrael, Jewish nationalism.
Ein Aya The Middle-Child & Anti-Tzni'ut Syndrome- Negative Attention
Although tzni'ut is for men just like women, Rav Kook deals here with the sources in Yishayahu and the Talmud which deals with the special problem of lack of tzni'ut in women's dress and actions, where it's not just a problem of midot and character traits, but also can include practical, social and national ramifications, as well, which caused the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash and exile from Israel. The class continues the previous one (Ayn Aya Shabbat vi, 29), and is a must for all educators and parents of high-school aged and young adults.
P'ninat Mishpat P'NINAT MISHPAT: A Mess of Loans, Repayments and Grievances – part II
based on ruling 83033 of the Eretz Hemdah-Gazit Rabbinical Courts
based on ruling 83033 of the Eretz Hemdah-Gazit Rabbinical Courts
