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- Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions
Answer: Wearing a kittel is associated, for Ashkenazim, with four very different events.
Historically, the first is burial (the details of overlap between shrouds and one’s own kittel differ according to communal minhag). In this context, part of the minhag relates to it being inexpensive material (Moed Katan 27b). The cleanliness/purity element of pure white and its connection to the kohanim’s service may also be involved (see Gesher Hachaim I:10).
Next, conceptually and historically, is Yom Kippur. The Rama (Orach Chayim 610:4) reports the minhag of wearing a kittel and attributes it to being reminiscent of angels and because its association with burial encourages feeling the need to "humble one’s heart."
From these solemn moments, we pivot to joyous settings. Ashkenazi chatanim wear a kittel at the chupa. Some connect this to cognizance of one’s death and the need for teshuva at this crucial/serious, albeit joyous, moment (see Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 147:4). Others connect it to Yom Kippur’s optimistic side, as they are both days of forgiveness; some mention the hope that the couple are being joined until death (see Nitei Gavriel, Nisuin 15).
Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions (652)
Rabbi Daniel Mann
642 - Ask the Rabbi: Kittel at the Seder
643 - Ask the Rabbi: Reusing a Grave
644 - Ask the Rabbi: Sefirat Ha’omer of Someone Who Does Not Understand
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Rav Soloveitchik is cited (Batei Yosef, Haggada p. 90) as giving two additional reasons to wear a kittel at the Seder, both supplying positives. One (invoking the Netziv) focuses on a special element of the Seder. We put ourselves in the mind frame of those who are eating the Korban Pesach as a central part of the celebration, and a white cloak was the type of honorable clothes worn while eating a korban. Another reason, in his father’s name, is that it is one more surprising thing to stimulate a child’s curiosity.
The different approaches to the minhag have advantages and disadvantages. It is surprising that with the many mandated Talmudic practices to increase festivity (e.g., four cups of wine, reclining), a late minhag would come to subdue festivity! We do have a concept of the fast of Behab, after Pesach and Sukkot, out of concern that festiveness might have led to sin (Shulchan Aruch, OC 272:1; Mishna Berura ad loc. 1). However, we wait until after Nisan and Tishrei, respectively. On the other hand, the Magen Avraham’s reason connects the minhag more naturally to the other usages of the kittel. Those who do not follow the minhag can be comforted if they find the reasons for this relatively late and not critical minhag not along lines they relate to.
In your case, if you follow Ashkenazi minhag¸ you may feel free to choose your preference on whether to wear a kittel at the Seder, or experiment with how you like it (with a stipulation that it is bli neder). There are also various minhagim as to whether it is done only by the one who leads the Seder, or by all married males, which is also a matter with little compelling logic either way. Technical, psychological, philosophical, and sociological (e.g., your peer group’s practice) factors may play a role in your decision.
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