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Answer: I imagine your question is about how to explain the phenomenon that we spend time raising children that we could be spending on various mitzvot. The fact that all normal Jewish (and non-Jewish) families will continue toiling over their children is a given. Your question presents a wonderful opportunity to (telegraphically) discuss basic principles of avodat Hashem before looking at the specific sources you seek.
Mitzvot are the highlights of our life, into which we need to learn how to incorporate undeniable realities, both mundane and special. Hashem made the world in such a way that we must eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, bathe, etc. These are not mitzvot in the classic sense, but Hashem certainly wants us to partake in them. They are so obviously a part of our life that they do not need to be commanded.
Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions (657)
Rabbi Daniel Mann
301 - Daf Yomi During Shabbat of Aveilut
302 - Is Raising Children a Mitzva? – part I
303 - Is Raising Children a Mitzva? – part II
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Let us illustrate with a famous pasuk – the source of the mitzva to recite Birkat Hamazon. "You shall eat and you shall be satiated, and you shall bless Hashem your G-d for the good land He gave you" (Devarim 8:10). The pasuk contains three grammatically identical verbs. Why did Chazal not derive a mitzva to eat and one to be satiated? The answer is that we eat enough food because that is normal for a person, which Hashem created us to be. If we need confirmation that Hashem wants us to do this and not be ascetics, note the p’sukim from the second section of Kri’at Shema (Devarim 11:13-15). We keep the mitzvot of the Torah, Hashem brings rain, and our crops grow and are harvested. This section describing the ideal situation ends with "you shall eat and be satiated." Similarly, when one is busy with work, another proper non-mitzva, he is exempt from constant involvement in mitzvot, whether learning Torah, visiting the sick, etc. (see Orach Chayim 156).
What is the Torah perspective on supporting children? A father (not mother) is required Rabbinically (not by Torah law) to support his children when they are small (see Ketubot 65b; Rambam, Ishut 12:14). So until the Rabbinical institution, did the average father not support his family? Consider the Torah-derived law (see Rashi, Shemot 21:3) that an eved ivri’s master must support his slave’s wife and children, obviously because the father/family breadwinner is at work all day for the master. But why should the master be required by Torah law to support them in lieu of the father when the father is only obligated Rabbinically? The answer is that the Torah left it to fathers to support their families because they are normal human fathers, and the Torah trusted that this would be the rule. The Torah expects a mother, who is technically not obligated, to provide food for her children if they do not have a father doing so. In the animal kingdom, they do this based on instinct; in humanity, the instinct is augmented by basic G-d-given morality.
The Torah expects parents to be involved with their children’s various needs, which is nobler and harder to delay than other needs. This justifies taking care of children before even such mitzvot before which it is forbidden to eat or work (see Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 89:3; we do not find such limitations regarding caring for children). It justifies not pursuing other mitzvot that are not clearly incumbent upon us. (We hopefully learn a proper balance from our wonderful parents’ example.) Only if one has earned a deep relationship with his children can he expect success in raising them with a Torah lifestyle, which is the Jewish way since Avraham Avinu (see Bereishit 18:19). How the responsibilities of providing all of a child’s material, educational, and emotional needs are broken up between two parents, sometimes with help from their families and the community, depends on the time, place, and the individuals’ circumstances.
Rabbis in Midrash
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Shoftim TESHUVA IN COURT OF LAW?
Parshat Shoftim-Chodesh Elul
Why does parshat Shoftim always come out during Elul? This innovative and central explanation is an eye-opener regarding many aspects of Judaism.
The Month of Elul TESHUVA IS THE ANSWER
The month of Elul serves as a vital time for self-reflection and personal accountability to prepare for true repentance.
P'ninat Mishpat P'ninat Mishpat: Realtor’s Fee on Large Commercial Building – part I
(based on ruling 85031 of the Eretz Hemdah-Gazit Rabbinical Courts)
(based on ruling 85031 of the Eretz Hemdah-Gazit Rabbinical Courts)
P'ninat Mishpat Complaints about Contractor’s Work – part II
(based on ruling 83037.1 of the Eretz Hemdah-Gazit Rabbinical Courts)
(based on ruling 83037.1 of the Eretz Hemdah-Gazit Rabbinical Courts)
Chemdat Yamim Moreshet Shaul: The Goal of an Agricultural Yeshiva – part I
Based on Siach Shaul, Pirkei Machshava V’Hadracha p. 263 (address at the laying of the cornerstone of the Yeshiva Chakla’it in Kfar Haroeh)
Based on Siach Shaul, Pirkei Machshava V’Hadracha p. 263 (address at the laying of the cornerstone of the Yeshiva Chakla’it in Kfar Haroeh)
Chemdat Yamim The Goal of an Agricultural Yeshiva – part II
Based on Siach Shaul, Pirkei Machshava V’Hadracha p. 263 (address at the cornerstone laying for the Yeshiva Chakla’it in Kfar Haroeh – 1938)
Based on Siach Shaul, Pirkei Machshava V’Hadracha p. 263 (address at the cornerstone laying for the Yeshiva Chakla’it in Kfar Haroeh – 1938)
Re'e NEVER EXTREME EXCEPT ISRAEL
Parshat Re'eh
Judaism is against extremism, so how can we understand the seemingly extreme statements found in our sages in favor of living in the Land of Israel and against living in Chutz laAretz? The article deals with the seeming contradiction between the strength of Free-Will and the strength of being influenced by our surroundings.
Ekev DANCE FOR ISRAEL- FOR YOUR BENEFIT
Parshat Eikev
Description: The 7 Haftarot we read after Tisha B'Av ("Shiva D'Nichemta") surely get us excited that they're coming TRUE, and awaken us to yearn, dance & join the return to Zion! The short article also deals with the problems and solutions facing the American Jewish community as discussed at a recent panel, as well as the question why Jews come from America to Israel to help when we face problems, but Israelis don't come to aid Jews in America when they face anti-Semitism.
