This week's Torah portion of D'varim, which begins the Book of Deuteronomy, starts off with an introduction to Moshe Rabbeinu's parting speech to Israel before his death as they are about to enter the Promised Land: "These are the words that Moshe spoke to all of Israel on the [eastern] side of the Jordan River…"

The Medrash (Yalkut Shimoni 788) asks: "These are the words? Did he not prophecy much more than this over the years? He wrote the entire Torah! What is so special about these words?"

And the Medrash answers that these words were in fact special and particularly needed because they were words of rebuke, as Rashi on this first verse also explains.

Giving rebuke when necessary is in fact a Torah mitzvah, as written: "Surely admonish your neighbor, and do not bear sin because of him [alternatively: do not embarrass him with your rebuke]" (Vayikra 19,17). However, the details of this law were not spelled out there, such as who is commanded, under what circumstances, and how to give the rebuke. Here then, where we read about the admonishment that Israel's great teacher Moshe delivered, we have a chance to see how he fulfilled the mitzvah and learn the ideal way to do so.

Studying these verses and the words of our Sages thereupon, we find that there are seven conditions for effective rebuke.

The first and most well-known aspect of Moshe's rebuke is as written in Rashi: "Listed here are all the places in which the Children of Israel angered G-d with their sins; they are listed only by allusion [without mentioning precisely what happened in those places], in order that the honor of Israel not be marred."

The first condition, then, is to give rebuke in a manner that will show honor to the other person, i.e., in an indirect manner that will not embarrass him – and in this way, there is a chance that he will accept the admonishment.

The Medrash (D'varim Rabba 1,4) states: "It would have been appropriate for the rebukes to be said by Bilam and for the blessings to be said by Moshe - but if so, Israel would have said, 'Bilam hates us and that's why he rebukes us,' and the nations of the world would have, 'Moshe loves them and that's why he blesses them.' G-d therefore said that Moshe who loves them should rebuke them, and Bilam who hates them should bless them [Bamidbar 23-24]."

The second condition, then, for the rebuke to be accepted is that it must come from someone whom the subject of the rebuke knows loves him, and can therefore be sure of his sincerity.

#3 – The Medrash says that Moshe was the right man to admonish Israel because he had no ulterior motives, and never sought anything from his people, as he said during Korach's rebellion: "Not even one donkey did I take from them!" Thus, only one who cannot be suspected of having ulterior motives in rebuking someone can assume that his words will be properly heard.

#4 – We read here that Moshe delivered this speech to "all of Israel." Rashi says that if he had only rebuked some of them at a time, those who were not there would have said, 'What? You heard that from Amram's son [Moshe] and you did not answer him? You could have said such and such!" Moshe therefore gathered all of them together and said, "Whoever has what to answer, let him answer now."

This is true for individuals, who must be given a chance to answer and explain when they are rebuked – and all the more so, of course, for entire groups.

#5 – The Sages were very skeptical, to say the least, whether in their generation there was anyone who could rebuke, anyone who could accept rebuke, or anyone who knew how rebuke should be delivered. The Gemara cites the verse, "Do not reprove a scorner, lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man, and he will love you" (Mishlei 9,8).

We thus learn that one who would issue reproof must be sure not only that he knows how to reproach, and not only that his listener knows how to receive it, but also that the rebuke will lead to actual love between them, as in the cited verse from Mishlei.

#6 – The sixth condition is that one must calculate in advance all the possible ramifications of the rebuke - and then he must decide accordingly when is the best time to deliver the admonishment to ensure that it will be most effectively received. We learn this from Yaakov Avinu, as well as from Moshe, both of whom made sure to issue their reproaches (to his sons and to Bnei Yisrael, respectively) right before they [the rebukers] died. The Medrash explains four reasons why deathbed-rebuke is the best: so that the rebuked will not later see him and be embarrassed, and the like.

And the final condition: One must be on a high level before he tells others what they are doing wrong. As R. Tarfon says in the Gemara: "I am doubtful whether there is anyone in this generation who can accept rebuke, for if someone says, 'You have a splinter in your teeth,' they will retort, 'You have a board between your eyes!"

Thus, the 7^th condition is the most difficult one of all: He who reproves must be a tzaddik, so that he cannot be told that he is guilty of even worse sins than he is rebuking about! And if this was said in the generation of the holy Tannaitic sages, how much more so is this true nowadays, when we have none who know how to rebuke and therefore no one who knows how to be rebuked.

The Chafetz Chaim writes in the name of Rav Y. Mullen, and the Maharam of Lublin agrees, that this is why it is a mitzvah to love those who do not keep the Torah – because they have never been properly rebuked before, given that no one knows how to do so correctly, and therefore they don't know the proper way to act!

Love your fellow – and then he will want you to show him the right way!

Translated by Hillel Fendel

In order to get Shiurim like this every week directly to your Inbox, click here