Ask the Rabbi: When Should an Onen Recite Havdala? | Rabbi Daniel Mann | Beit Midrash

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Question: Our father died on Friday and was buried on Sunday. I was told to listen to Havdala from a non-avel on Motzaei Shabbat, and some others were told to make Havdala after the funeral. Which approach is correct?

Answer: An onen (a close relative of a deceased prior to burial) is exempt from performing positive mitzvot (Berachot 17b) and should not perform them (Tosafot ad loc., based on Yerushalmi, Berachot 3:1; Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 71:1). An onen must not violate Torah-level or Rabbinic negative commandments. It is not obvious whether certain situations relate to positive or negative mitzvot (see Pitchei Teshuva, Yoreh Deah 341:4,6 regarding eating without beracha or netillat yadayim, doing bedikat chametz).
There are opinions that we do not prevent an onen who will not take part in the critical preparations for the burial from fulfilling mitzvot (see Shulchan Aruch ibid.). Many assume that in a place with a chevra kaddisha, the onen is not critically needed (see Panim Meirot II:150; Yalkut Yosef OC 71:16). Nevertheless, we instruct the standard onen not to do mitzvot.
Havdala accomplishes two things: 1. It expresses a proper perspective on the transition from Shabbat to weekdays; 2. It permits doing melacha after Shabbat (Shulchan Aruch, OC 299:1,10). #1 is a positive mitzva, from which an onen is exempt, but arguably removing the prohibition on melacha (#2) is a matter of the negative and should apply to an onen. Nevertheless, the Shulchan Aruch (YD 341:2) rules that an onen makes Havdala only after the burial. Da’at Torah (to YD 341:2) explains that we presume that the prohibition on melacha emerges from the requirement to make Havdala first. Therefore, if he is exempt from Havdala, the prohibition does not exist.
Some sources state that one does not make Havdala but that it remains prohibited to do melacha in matters not connected enough to the burial. For example, Chayim B’yad 125.81 says that the mourners do not do kri’ah on their garments until after the burial and Havdala. While we do not accept this opinion, several poskim (see Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata 64:26) recommend the compromise of reciting "Baruch hamavdil bein kodesh l’chol," which always makes melacha permitted (see Shulchan Aruch and Rama, OC 299:10). This is best done without intention to thereby perform a "mini-mitzva" of Havdala, but just to remove, if necessary, the prohibition of melacha.

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It is not clear that hearing Havdala counts for an onen. The Rosh (Berachot 3:2) reasons that since an onen is exempt from Havdala, hearing it as an onen cannot fulfill the mitzva, and he will need to do it after the funeral, when the obligation begins. Yet, the Beit David (Shut II:164) posits it would count. The Birkei Yosef (YD 341:19) explains that an onen’s exemption may not erase the obligation, and this is strengthened by the opinions (see above) that perhaps he may perform the mitzva. When one heard from another and the question is whether to recite a potentially unnecessary Havdala (l’vatala) after the burial, we must consider the rule of safek berachot l’hakel and also the prominent opinions (see Rosh ibid.) that one who was exempt from Havdala on Motzaei Shabbat does not "pick up" an obligation thereafter. Therefore, the consensus of poskim (see Yalkut Yosef ibid.; Divrei Sofrim YD 341:49; Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata 64:(130); Mei’olam Ad Olam 6:48) is that in your case, you would not make Havdala after the funeral.
However, these poskim discussed b’di’eved – if one already heard Havdala from another with the intention of both that you fulfill the mitzva. According to the standard opinions (see Beit David, ibid.), an onen should not listen with intent to be yotzei because it fulfills the mitzva of Havdala. (It is a good question (see Shemirat Shabbat K’hilchata ibid.) why poskim do not recommend doing "early Havdala" (see Shulchan Aruch, OC 293:3).)
Therefore, we recommend waiting until after the funeral for Havdala. All of you brought merit to your father’s neshama by handling the halachic challenges as best as you knew.

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