Beit Midrash
- Shabbat and Holidays
- The Three Weeks
- The Laws of Three Weeks
Is it permitted to schedule a wedding for the night of Shiva Asar BeTamuz?
Question #2: Going swimming?
I have not yet gone swimming this year. May I go during the Three Weeks?
Question #3:
May I schedule my son’s upsherin during the Three Weeks?
Introduction
This article will discuss the laws and customs associated with the Three Weeks. The Three Weeks is a significant period of mourning in the Jewish calendar, dedicated to commemorating the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash in Yerushalayim. Spanning from the 17th of Tamuz to Tisha B’Av, this solemn time serves as a reminder of the tremendous losses suffered by the Jewish people and allows for reflection on the spiritual significance of the Beis Hamikdash and what we are missing by its loss.
This season is referred to by the Midrash Rabbah (Eicha 1:3) as the period of Bein Hametzarim (see Eicha 1:3). In the pasuk, these words mean "in difficult times" or "in dire straits." Referring to the season as Bein Hametzarim means that it is a difficult mourning period between the two days in which the Jewish people suffered many tragic events.
The Mishnah (Ta’anis 26 a-b) teaches that five tragic events occurred on the 17 th day of Tamuz:
1. The luchos (tablets) containing the Aseres Hadibros were destroyed.
2. The daily korbanos offered in the First Beis Hamikdash were stopped (see Rambam, Hilchos Ta’anis 5:2).
3. The walls of the city of Yerushalayim were breached, leading to the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash (Ta’anis 28b).
The wicked Apostomus, a Greek officer, burned the Torah, during the period of the second Beis Hamikdash (see Talmud Yerushalmi and Tiferes Yisrael).
4. An idol was placed inside the Beis Hamikdash. According to Rashi, this was done by the evil King Menashe. Others explain that this incident occurred during the Second Beis Hamikdash time period (Rambam, Hilchos Ta’anis 5:2). These two interpretations reflect two opinions recorded in the Talmud Yerushalmi.
It should be noted that neither the Mishnah nor the Gemara associates any mourning practices with the Bein Hametzarim period. The Mishnah (Ta’anis 26b) mentions only a mourning period beginning on Rosh Chodesh Av by "decreasing simcha," Mishenichnas Av mema’atim b’simcha; "Once Av enters, we decrease our happiness." Although the Mishnah does not clarify what we must do to decrease our happiness, the Gemara (Yevamos 43a) lists four activities that are banned during these days:
1. We decrease our business activities.
2. We refrain from construction and planting intended for joyous reasons (Yerushalmi Taanis, cited by Tosafos to Yevamos 43a s.v. Milisa).
3. We do not conduct weddings.
4. We do not make a festive meal to celebrate an engagement. (Please note that this interpretation of the Gemara follows the Ramban in Toras Ha’adam and the Tur Orach Chayim 551, but is not the approach of Rashi ad loc.)
Thus, the Gemara prohibits conducting weddings during the period we call "The Nine Days," but not during "The Three Weeks." Refraining from making weddings during the Three Weeks developed among Ashkenazic communities, which started the period of mourning from the 17 th of Tamuz (Darkei Moshe, Orach Chayim 551:5 and the Rema to Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:2). This practice has also been accepted by many Sefardic communities. However, some Sefardic communities permit weddings until Rosh Chodesh Av, and even later, under certain circumstances (Shu't Yabia Omer 6: Orach Chayim #43).
Notwithstanding the accepted Ashkenazic custom, the Shevus Yaakov, a highly respected European, early eighteenthcentury authority, suggests that someone who has not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of peru urvu may marry during the Three Weeks. He compares it to a mourner who, even during the sheloshim mourning period, may marry if he has not yet fulfilled peru urvu.
Following the ruling of the Shevus Yaakov, the Chayei Adam (133:11) rules that someone who has not fulfilled peru urvu may indeed marry, even during the Nine Days, although he notes that the custom is not to. The Kaf Hachayim (551:33, 101) disagrees with the Chayei Adam, citing authorities who prohibit even someone who has not yet fulfilled peru urvu from getting married during the Nine Days. It is interesting that the Kaf Hachayim concludes that a childless Ashkenazi has more basis to be lenient and marry than a childless Sefardi, since the Rema permits one to override restrictions of the Bein Hametzarim period in order to fulfill a mitzvah, whereas the Beis Yosef concludes otherwise!
The Evening of the 17th
Regarding weddings on the evening of the 17th of Tamuz, many poskim recommend having the chupah before sunset of the 16th of Tamuz to avoid the restrictions associated with the actual day of the 17th (Piskei Teshuvos 551:7 footnote 51). This is because many authorities treat the night of the 17th with the stringencies of the Nine Days (Elyah Rabbah; Shu't Chayim Sha’al #24; Biur Halacha 551:2). Similarly, when the 17th of Tamuz falls on Sunday, most poskim prohibit making a wedding on the night of the 17th (Motza’ei Shabbos). However, under extenuating circumstances, Rav Moshe Feinstein permits scheduling a wedding on the Motza’ei Shabbos of the 17th of Tamuz (Shu't Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 1:168).
Ashkenazic custom did not ban celebrating engagements during the Three Weeks, but the Magen Avraham rules that there should be no music or dancing (Magen Avraham 551:10). Until Rosh Chodesh, it is allowed to celebrate the engagement with a festive meal, while from Rosh Chodesh onward, it should include only light refreshments (Magen Avraham 551:10; Mishnah Berurah 551:19).
Most forms of dancing are prohibited during the Three Weeks, although there are authorities who permit dancing at a sheva brachos (Magen Avraham 551:10; Elyah Rabbah 551:6; Mishnah Berurah 551:16).
Listening to or playing music is generally prohibited during the Three Weeks (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim Vol. 4:21:4; Shu’t Tzitz Eliezer 15:33). However, it is permitted to play music for non-Jews or to teach music for a livelihood (Biur Halacha to 551:2). Some poskim permit taking music lessons that one intends to use for one’s livelihood, provided there will be a loss of skill if one refrains from lessons (Shu’t Tzitz Eliezer 16:19). This would include music practice for a professional musician or group that needs to keep its skills sharp or is preparing for a concert. Nevertheless, the Kaf Hachayim (Orach Chayim 551:41) suggests teaching that a music teacher should teach sad songs, or, even better, avoid teaching music altogether during this time.
Sefardim and the Three Weeks
The Shulchan Aruch, the main Sefardic source, makes no mention of extending mourning before Rosh Chodesh. It appears that in his day and place, there was still no observance of "Three Weeks," but only of "Nine Days." However, other Sefardic authorities mention that this practice spread to their communities (Keneses Ha’gedolah, Hagahos Tur end of 551; Ben Ish Chai, Parshas Devarim #4; Kaf Hachayim 551:33, 101). By the nineteenth century, it appears that most Sefardic communities observed the entire Three Weeks period, certainly to the extent of prohibiting weddings. For example, the Ben Ish Chai assumed that weddings are not performed the entire Three Weeks, as did the Sedei Chemed.
Frummer
If the Mishnah and Gemara permit all these activities, why did Ashkenazim create prohibitions that were stricter than those observed at the time of the Gemara?
The reason is that in the times of Chazal, the memories of the Beis Hamikdash were still very fresh in people’s minds, and a shorter period of mourning was a sufficient reminder of the churban. But now, after being in an extended period of golus, we require a longer period of mourning to arouse our feelings and mourn properly for the Beis Hamikdash.
Some commentaries point out that the public mourning follows the exact opposite procedure of private mourning. Whereas private mourning moves from the more intense mourning periods to less intense, the public mourning begins with the Three Weeks, then to the Nine Days, then to the week in which Tisha B’Av occurs, then to Erev Tisha B’Av, and finally the intense mourning of Tisha B’Av itself. By gradually increasing the intensity of the mourning, we should be able to reach the appropriate sense of loss on the day of Tisha B’Av.
Reciting Shehecheyanu during the Three Weeks
Regarding the recitation of the Shehecheyanu blessing during the Three Weeks, there are three opinions among the poskim.
1. The Arizal holds that Shehecheyanu should not be recited at all during this period, not even on Shabbos. The Ari's reason for not reciting Shehecheyanu during the Three Weeks is not due to mourning, but rather because it is deemed inappropriate to recite a blessing expressing gratitude for being rejuvenated at a time that is considered highly inauspicious. This reasoning extends to Shabbos as well (Magen Avraham; Shu’t Chayim Sha’al #24).
2. The Sefer Chassidim takes a middle stance, stating that Shehecheyanu should not be recited on weekdays but may be recited on Shabbos. The rationale behind this position is that laws of mourning do not apply on Shabbos, so Shehecheyanu may be recited. Some suggest an alternative approach, stating that it is a mitzvah to derive joy from the world and recite Shehecheyanu. This mitzvah takes precedence over the concern about reciting the blessing during the Three Weeks, but it is advisable to postpone it to Shabbos (Mekor Chessed commentary to Sefer Chassidim #840, based on a passage of Talmud Yerushalmi at the end of Kiddushin).
3. The Taz and the Gra maintain that Shehecheyanu may be recited even on weekdays (Orach Chayim 551:17). The Gra disagrees with the reason attributed to the Ari and maintains that there is no halachic prohibition on a mourner to recite Shehecheyanu, and therefore no reason why we should not recite the berocha during the Three Weeks.
According to all opinions, one recites a Shehecheyanu when performing the mitzvos of pidyon haben or bris milah (for those who recite a Shehecheyanu at a bris).
Most halachic authorities follow the middle opinion, permitting the recitation of Shehecheyanu on Shabbos but not on weekdays (Magen Avraham, Elyah Rabbah, Chayei Adam, Mishnah Berurah). The Rema (Orach Chayim 551:2) permits reciting a Shehecheyanu on a new fruit that will not be available after Tisha B’Av. Mishnah Berurah (551:99) permits a pregnant woman or an ill person to eat a new fruit, without reciting the Shehecheyanu. It is permitted to purchase clothes that do not require a Shehecheyanu. However, this should not be done during the Nine Days.
Shehecheyanu on the night of the 17 th?
Most poskim hold that one should not recite Shehecheyanu on the night of the 17 th (Shu’t Chayim Sha’al #24; Sedei Chemed Volume 5, pg. 277; Biur Halacha 551:2). However, Rav Moshe Feinstein contends that the mourning period does not start until the morning of the 17 th, implying that one may recite a Shehecheyanu at night (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 1:168).
Children and Shehecheyanu
The involvement of children in the observance of the Three Weeks raises additional considerations regarding the recitation of Shehecheyanu. The question arises as to whether children, depending on their age and understanding of mourning practices, may recite Shehecheyanu during this period. If a child is old enough to appreciate the significance of aveilus (mourning), it is advisable to train him not to say Shehecheyanu during the Three Weeks. However, if a child is too young to comprehend the mourning practices, but is capable of reciting the blessing, some authorities permit him to say Shehecheyanu (Birkei Yosef, Orach Chayim 551:9).
Purchasing new items during the Three Weeks
It is questionable whether one may acquire new items, such as cars or appliances, during the Three Weeks. Rav Moshe Feinstein rules that if the purchase is for pleasure or convenience, one should wait until after the Three Weeks to buy the item. However, if the acquisition is necessary for one's livelihood, the purchase is permissible during the Three Weeks. In such cases, it is preferable to delay reciting Shehecheyanu until after the Three Weeks (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 3:80). Additionally, some poskim allow for the purchase of necessary appliances, such as refrigerators or washing machines, to replace items that broke during the Three Weeks (Piskei Teshuvos 551:11).
Other halachos of the Three Weeks
In addition to the specific guidelines mentioned above, there are various other halachic practices observed during the Three Weeks. Engaging in dangerous activities should be avoided, and elective surgeries are often postponed until after Tisha B’Av (see Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:18; Piskei Teshuvos 551:1). Some individuals refrain from participating in entertaining activities, such as hikes or trips to the beach, during the Three Weeks (Sedei Chemed, Vol. 5, pg. 376:10).
Going to the beach and swimming are permitted between the 17th of Tamuz and Rosh Chodesh Av, even if it is the first time that one is going during this season, notwithstanding a common misconception to the contrary (Rav Moishe Shternbuch in Teshuvos Vehanhagos 2:263). Rav Shternbuch contends that the practice of refraining from swimming for the first time during the Three Weeks lacks a halachic basis and is not a binding custom. It is therefore permitted, without requiring hataras nedarim (nullification of vows).
Haircutting
During the Three Weeks, Ashkenazim have the custom not to shave or have a haircut (Darkei Moshe, Orach Chayim 551:5 and Rema, Orach Chayim 551:4). There are exceptions to this ruling, such as trimming one's mustache, if it interferes with eating (Ran; Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:13). Additionally, individuals who shave every day may be permitted to shave on Fridays, during the Three Weeks, in honor of Shabbos, according to the ruling of Shu’t Chasam Sofer (Yoreh Deah #348 s.v. Ve’i golach). However, these exceptions are subject to controversy, and one should consult a rabbinic authority for guidance.
On the occasion of a bris during the Three Weeks, the father of the baby, the mohel, and the sandek are permitted to shave or have a haircut. (Shu’t Chasam Sofer, Orach Chayim #158). Some authorities also permit the kvatter and the sandek me’umad (also known as "amidah lebrachos") to shave and have a haircut (She’arim Hametzuyanim Bahalacha, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8), but most poskim restrict this permission to the mohel, the sandek, and the father of the baby.
While some poskim permit scheduling an upsheren (also called a chalakeh) during the Three Weeks, if it coincides with the child's birthday, the prevailing practice is to postpone it until after Tisha B’Av (Piskei Teshuvos 551:44). Similarly, there is a discussion among recent poskim regarding a bar mitzvah boy who needs a haircut during the Three Weeks. Some suggest that it may be permissible for him to have a haircut before his bar mitzvah, relying on the opinion that minors may have a haircut during this period (She’arim Hametzuyanim Bahalacha, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8).
The question of whether a woman may have her hair cut during the Three Weeks is subject to debate among halachic authorities. Many poskim rule that a woman may tweeze her eyebrows and engage in similar cosmetic activities, even during the week of Tisha B’Av (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 2:137; Halichos Beisah, Chapter 25, footnote 70).
Clipping fingernails is permitted during the Three Weeks, according to all opinions.
Conclusion
The Three Weeks is a period of introspection and mourning, allowing individuals to reflect on the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash and its significance in Jewish history. Some tzaddikim make a point of reciting tikkun chatzos, wherein we mourn the galus of the Shechina, every night. The most important aspect of the Three Weeks is to focus on the tremendous loss we continue to suffer because of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash.
The prophet Yeshaya declared: "Exult with Yerushalayim and rejoice over her, all those who love her. Rejoice with her, rejoicing, all those who mourned over her" (Yeshayahu 66:10). "From here we see," says the Gemara, "that whoever mourns over Yerushalayim will merit to see her happiness, and whoever does not mourn over Yerushalayim will not merit to see her happiness" (Taanis 30b).
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