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Answer: The minhag of a Shalom Zachar is mentioned by a couple of Rishonim and may have a source in the gemara. The gemara (Bava Kama 80a) mentions an Amora going to a shavua haben or yeshua haben. While Rashi relates this to a pidyon haben, Tosafot cites an opinion that it was to celebrate the birth of the baby, who was safely extricated from his mother’s womb. The Terumat Hadeshen (I:269) connects it to the minhag that existed in his time and ours, to have a celebration with food on the night of the baby’s first full Shabbat. (The Orchot Chayim (Mila) says something similar.) The Rama (Yoreh Deah 265:12) cites this minhag as standard, and it is so for Ashkenazim to this day. (Sephardim have a similar observance the night before the brit called a Brit Yitzchak, and some Ashkenazim also do a practice called "vach nacht" that night). The question of whether it is better for the nuclear family to do it alone or for grandparents to have one with greater participation is a good one.
Several explanations are given for Shalom Zachar, and, at first glance, they influence the answer to your question. The Terumat Hadeshen (ibid.) relates it to celebration of the birth, which should include thanks to Hashem, which makes it a seudat mitzva. Anyone who feels connected can thank Hashem for that, but parents most so.
Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions (654)
Rabbi Daniel Mann
595 - Ask the Rabbi: Washing Dishes with Steel Wool on Shabbat.
596 - Ask the Rabbi: Shalom Zachar without the Baby and Parents
597 - Ask the Rabbi: Waiting to Return after Kaddish
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The Derisha (YD 264:2) says that at the Shalom Zachar, we console the baby for the loss of the Torah he studied in his mother’s womb (based on Nida 30b). This could lead to the conclusion that the baby must be at the Shalom Zachar to be consoled (Teshuvot V’hanhagot II:202). The fact that it is often done even without the baby can be attributed to the other reasons (ibid.). Furthermore, even the consoling does not have practical impact (not meaning to insult the baby’s intellect), but is spiritual or perhaps symbolic. So it is possible that "consolation" can be gained when people gather in the baby’s honor and bless him in abstentia.
Is the participation of people outside the nuclear family important? Many sources (including the early ones) refer to people coming. Considering there is no ceremony and the food served is minor (see Aruch Hashulchan, OC 265:37), the visitation is apparently central to the event (see explanations in Osin B’simcha, Ma’amar 4).
Considering the above, it is fully appropriate for you to make a Shalom Zachar. This does not exclude the parents doing something low-key at the hospital, and they can "turn it into" a Shalom Zachar by eating traditional Shalom Zachar foods (e.g., chickpeas, almonds), thanking Hashem for the birth, and discussing the upcoming brit’s significance.
We are reluctant to pressure those dealing with the work that a new birth brings to quickly arrange multiple events. We understand that it may not always be feasible to do a "real Shalom Zachar" (it need not be extensive or fancy). However, a child’s birth is MAJOR in Judaism, and, when possible, the baby and Hashem deserve due regard according to our holy minhagim.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
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Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 9 - "Seeing is Believing" (parag. 21-30)
These paragraphs elaborate on the theme that seeing and knowing is better than any attempt to prove logically, and begins explaining the difference between Israel and gentiles.
Ein Aya Various Universal Stages of the Geula Process
Rav Kook examines the various stages of redemption, explaining how (in addition to the obvious oft-mentioned stages of ingathering the exiles, reviving the Hebrew language, army, state etc.) the messianic dream of world prosperity, the State of Israel and world unity can and are realistically and logically gradually coming true.
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 8- "Answering Questions on the Kuzari's Proof from Mass Revelation
How do we know that the "claim" of mass revelation to 2,000,000 witnesses at Mt. Sinai is really true? This important class answers all of the questions skeptics ask about this claim of the Kuzari.
Ein Aya Armies Still Necessary for Balance & the War Against Wars
Rav Kook explains why the world was originally divided into the various seemingly contradicting ideologies and cultures, in order to develop each one respectively. Swords or armies symbolize how each respective ideology defends themselves, as well as deters their opposing ideologies and cultures. On the other hand, the messianic era will be one of peace, and Rav Kook explains the transition to that stage, which mankind is already undergoing.
The Land of Israel LGBT'S IN ISRAEL
The question was asked, how can one make Aliyah with the LGBT parades?
Kuzari -Rabbi Ari Shvat Kuzari class 7 - Five Accumulative Proofs of G-d
As a preparation for the Kuzari's classic proof of G-d from the mass-revelation at Sinai, we start here with 5 other directions to strengthen our belief which also contribute to what the Kuzari will present as well.
Ein Aya Muscle & Meaning: The Dual Nature of Gevurah (Physical Strength)
Is physical strength and fitness a necessity or an ideal? Although it if often totally overlooked among topics of Judaism, Rav Kook writes that it clearly is also a necessity to deter the many enemies of Israel, but even in Y'mot HaMashiach, in the Messianic era, to a certain extent, it's ideal continues even after our enemies will have been finished off.
