- Sections
- Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions
- Shabbat and Holidays
- Praying, Kiddush and the Meals
Answer: There is a mandate of "v’karata laShabbat oneg" (you shall call Shabbat a day of indulgence) (Yeshayahu 58:13). The gemara (Shabbat 118a-b, as does the pasuk ibid.) promises great reward for those who indulge properly in Shabbat meals, and the Mishna Berura (242:1) cites opinions that the basic obligation is from the Torah.
The basic obligation of the two main meals of Shabbat is to have bread (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 274:4) and [preferably wine for] Kiddush. But as far back as we know, it has been customary that the festivity of these meals includes meat, and meat features prominently in the sources. The Shulchan Aruch (OC 250:2) states: "He should have much meat, wine, and treats according to his ability." While one should not normally nullify oaths on Shabbat, one may do so for a need of the day. The Shulchan Aruch (OC 341:1) gives an example of undoing an oath not to eat on that Shabbat, and the Mishna Berura (341:2) applies this even to an oath not to eat meat because "eating meat is a mitzva on Shabbat."
Bemare Habazak - Rabbis Questions (574)
Rabbi Daniel Mann
437 - Finding Out Late about the Presence of a Kohen or Levi
438 - Eat Meat on Shabbat when it Bothers his Wife?
439 - Is Rounding Up Ribbit?
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The Mishna Berura (242:1) posits that the foods mentioned in the gemara as appropriate for Shabbat are examples based on their time and place, and that we generally assume that meat is festive in people’s eyes, but that this need not be across-the-board. If any food preference (besides bread) is somewhat objective it is fish, as it includes a mystical element, and even there it is not required for those who dislike it (see ibid. 2).
So clearly, your wife should not eat meat if it bothers her in any way. But I understand your question not to be about your wife eating meat, but whether meat should be served for you or guests, who do appreciate it. Let us assume that you cannot find a technical system, such as your preparing a meat-based food whose smell does not offend your wife, but that she is capable of putting up with it with sacrifice (as she probably does as a guest of others or at semachot).
Lack of funds is grounds for having a simple meal, even if one can obtain more enjoyable food with sacrifice (Shabbat 118a; see details of prioritization in Mishna Berura 242:1). We also know that provisions to make the house more conducive for familial harmony (i.e., light in the house) are more important than either wine for Kiddush or Chanuka candles (Shabbat 23b). A husband should honor his wife, by fulfilling her needs and reasonable desires, more than himself (Rambam, Ishut 15:19). Therefore, your position should be that meat should not be served at your Shabbat table. If your wife feels or received advice (do not wait for this to happen) that she should/wants to sacrifice for your Shabbat experience, then you are blessed with the type of disagreement we wish on couples. It is hard to know based on a short description who we think should "win this disagreement," and sometimes a compromise is best for all parties. As long as you are sincere about your willingness to forgo meat, things should work out fine. If, when you im yirtzeh Hashem have older children, they feel deprived, the matter can be revisited.