Ask the rabbi

  • Family and Society

helping someone not married


Rabbi Ari Shvat

Av 29, 5774
Rabbi what does one tell an individual who is 24 years old and who hasn’t found his soulmate? How does a normal man survive not being married? A similar answer may be for a gay man who has to somehow control various urges and marry a women.
I don’t know the individuals involved, but in general, halachically, a man is obligated to marry, but nevertheless, we all know that one cannot marry just anyone, and there must be compatibility and mutual fondness. In most fields, if one has difficulty managing alone, he would be wise to refer to a specialist; in this case, there are many matchmakers (shadchanim) and dating systems for all different types, levels of religiosity, outlook, etc. In addition, our loving Father created us in a way that as long as we don’t know what we’re missing, we really don’t know what we’re missing! Until we had computers, we couldn’t even imagine how diversely beneficial they could be. Iv’e often heard from students that despite the vast changes involved in marriage, it’s unbelievable how quickly they adjust and feel natural in that new situation. Maybe that’s why so many people get married! So on the one hand; it’s good that singles don’t feel totally dejected and crestfallen, because they don’t totally appreciate what they lack, on the other hand, maybe have your friend spend some Shabbat meals with happily married couples, have him play with some cute little children, and he’ll at least have a taste of what real, normal and natural life is really about.
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