Moreshet Shaul: Discipline in Informal Education – part I | Various Rabbis | Beit Midrash

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There is a difference of opinion among educators about the correct way to educate the young generation. Should one use a "strong hand," to react strongly and follow the "strict law"? Or, should one use a "hand that caresses," to explain with a soft voice, speak to the child’s heart, and show how good it is for the child to act properly and how bitter it is when he strays from it?
The outlook of the Torah and the Rabbis is to employ some of each approach. "One who spares his rod hates his son" is a clear motto (Mishlei 13:24). The Rabbis have a rule about educating the young: "Your left hand should push away, and your right hand should draw close" (Sanhedrin 107b). In other words, one should not rule out even harsh measures when he sees a need for them. The dichotomy is not just a compromise between two opposing approaches. Rather, the Torah and the Rabbis set a stand according to their general outlook on man and his role in the world.
The Torah views man as a being with two different powers fighting each other, with each wanting to win and fully conquer the other one. One side of a person is, "… in the form of G-d He made man" (Bereishit 9:6) – this is the soul which is of divine origin. It shines fully like the Heavens, and it deserves to be treated with encouragement and explanation. Furthermore, this is the only language it understands.
However, at the same time, man has another side. "… the inclination of a man’s heart is evil from his youth" (ibid. 8:21). This means that people have destructive powers that try to break forth and take over the persona. Just like weeds in the field, these destructive powers are very strong and do not need special treatment [to grow]. As long as one does not uproot them, they grow on their own and overpower and wipe out all growth around them. In order to handle these destructive forces, one needs strong measures, which must destroy the weeds.
When it comes to people, their difficult side only understand the language of the "whip" and punishment, and about this situation, the pasuk says: "One who spares his rod hates his son." One does not do a favor for his child if he comes to terms with the way he is or fails to take the proper steps of "pest control." If one is passive, the forces are able to take hold and find their place in the heart, in which case, he will not be able to uproot the forces of evil when he grows up.
However, the above is true concerning a father as he relates to his son, not for the relationship between a youth leader and his charges. The relationship between a father and child is full and broad, enveloping all elements of the child’s life. The child’s perspective on his father is not built only on the basis of actions that the child sees as clearly educational, in which he needs to compromise his desires when they conflict with what his father decides for him. The child lives at home on an ongoing basis, and the love that develops between parents and children is natural. It does not reach the danger of severing even when there is temporary anger, even if the child thinks the parent has acted improperly. A father is a father unconditionally. Therefore, the anger and lack of satisfaction that the child feels due to punishments he receives normally pass without causing a barrier. These are bolstered by the natural love which will over time overcome the temporary anger. He is likely to think: "My father definitely loves me and wants what is good for me; he feels pain when he punishes me. If he punishes me anyway, he must feel that my behavior is unacceptable, and I must improve." The punishment thus becomes part of the process of contemplation and healing and is worthwhile even though it is unpleasant.
Next time we will see how it is different for a youth leader and children.