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Ask the rabbi Family and Society Nidda, Mikve and General Questions

moral boundaries

Rabbi Jonathan Blass17 Adar II 5763
How far judaisme allows men to get "in touch" with all this erotism around us ? A few exemples ..... To watch a movie called Cleopatra (modern and last version of Hallmark studios) exposing several "bed scenes" under the pretence it is a historical film and history cannot be changed . And how about to "look" to all these obscene dressed women on the streets and tell us that "as long there is no gratification ": it is allowed ? You can imagine that as a woman and wife I feel deeply confused , deceived, cheated ( though not physically ) humiliated , disrespected and dishonoured . My high moral values are so invalidated and I’m extremelly unhappy and my heart is broken . Do I need to adjust my moral values ? That the Torah say about this issue ? Please I ’m in great need of clarification and orientation. Is there is any book disscusing these issues? Thanks for your help . I appologize for my english, but it is not my mother langauge.
It is forbidden for a man to arouse himself sexually or knowingly to put himself in a situation where this will happen (Ketubot 46a based on Devarim 23 10). Since, as you write, not every woman dresses modestly, and since everyday life does not permit a person to shut himself away in his own home, it is important for a man to be able to think about other things- business, family, studies etc.- as he walks down the street and goes about his life. Modesty is an important virtue and you should be proud of it. If your "heartbreak" is not just because of a theoretical concern but is a result of pressures you feel from society or from family- why not consult a religious family therapist.
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