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I have not heard from my Children in years...

Various RabbisKislev 17, 5771
453
Question
I once had 4 children for whom I worked a full time job plus 3 part time jobs to pay yeshiva tuition. Now, after they became adults, and after a bitter divorce from their Mom, I have not heard from any of them for years. How does this fit into the Divine plan? Was the yeshiva tuition a waste of my life? How can they be returned to normalcy? Why do they not have to follow Kabed et avicha?
Answer
Though Hashem works in mysterious and sometimes painful ways, we are sure that all that Hashem does is for the good. I do not know how exactly this difficulty and pain that you have experienced is part of the Divine plan, and I would be suspicious of one who claimed to know. Whether Hashem brought this upon you as a trial, a punishment, a wake up call, an opportunity etc. One can't know. Perhaps, it is Hashems way of allowing you to measure your love and commitment to your children, and theirs to their father. Perhaps it is His way to allow you and your children to be reunited in a bond far tighter than before - I don't know. Instead of dwelling on why, try to focus your energies on remembering that Hashem has given you the abilitys to overcome this hurdle and hardship in your life. That Hashem cares for you, and loves you. And importantly, Hashem believes in you and in your life. As much as possible, try understand the reasons of your childrens distance. Once you have understood exactly why, work to mend the wounds,work to communicate to them why they should re-connect and express to them the immense pain you have felt over the years. Don't forget to make them know how much you love them. Your time and effort spent working in order to pay for their tuition were not wasted. Nor was one moment of the care, time and love you put into them. Hashem remembers all of this, and will reward you in due. As to your childrens obligation to honour their parents - except in only the most extreme circumstances - children are obligated to fulfill this command. However sometimes there are reasons and instances which make this command very difficult for children and you should be understanding to this. In conclusion,I would like to remind you that not only is Hashem with you, but that He Himself is in your same position. Both of You are waiting for Your children to come back and re-connect with You. May You both be successful soon, Amen! Rabbi Baruch Kitay
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