1. I daven in a shul where it is the norm for the majority if attendees to shmooze whenever they want during Davening and Krias haTorah I find it very disrespectful to others who want to daven with kavanah, especially since they are next to me I cannot change my seat since I assist a hemiplegic man with his tefillin (weekdays) and finding the page. And since the talking is prevalent in all locations of the shul. 2. Many attendees text during davening, Krias haTorah, and Daf Yomi. While it does not directly affect me, i find it disrespectful to Hadhem and a makom Kedusha. 3. I asked the Rabbi if he could provide some divrei Torah and inspiration for congregants to aspire to in their behavior. He said no and that I should go somewhere else. He also said that although the shul bylaws state that the shul is founded on worship according to the Shulchan Aruch and Mishnah Brurah, worship decorum is not in the bylaws. 4. A local Rav who has authored many Torah seforim and also YouTubes about talking/texting during davening told me to stay due to the great mitzvah of helping this hemiplegic man, who otherwise would be abandoned by the congegants who take little interest in helping him. QUESTION: What words of inspiration could be provided to the attendees to have kavanah and also respect others who wish to daven with kavanah? I hope to create a pamphlet.

Shalom, Thank you for your question. I can hear your frustration, and empathize with your situation. After a while, such talking and distractions in Shule can cause you to be just totally focused on the distraction, with your radar out for even every tiny infringement – let alone the gross annoyance of blatant talking and disrespect. I see that you have already turned to the Rabbi – and it sounds as if (for some reason or other) he is not only not going to help out here, but seems to feel that it would be better for you (or perhaps his shule) if you went elsewhere. The problem is that you are doing a great chesed there, helping out a man who would be at a great loss otherwise. So, taking the advice of another Rav, you will probably stay in the Shule in order to do the chesed. That’s a choice I respect very much, and feel is probably the right thing to do. Now the question arises – what can you do to alleviate the situation? I want to be honest here, even though it isn’t the answer you’re looking for. The chances you have of changing people’s behavior, (without the support and leadership of the local Rabbi) is close to zero. Sorry – but years of experience at trying to change other people has led me to the conclusion that it almost never happens – certainly not in a direct heads-on way. Telling people to be quiet; shushing; handing out pamphlets; putting up signs; etc – just don’t do it. (Think out how many shules there are with a sign saying it’s forbidden to talk – and think about how many people talk!). In general, such efforts can cause arguments and anger, and almost always add to your own anger and frustration. I want to suggest two things you might want to focus on. One – fulfilling the saying of the Rabbis )Yevamot 65b) “And Rabbi Ile’a said in the name of Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Shimon: Just as it is a mitzva for a person to say that which will be heeded, so is it a mitzva for a person not to say that which will not be heeded. [One should not rebuke those who will be unreceptive to his message]. Rabbi Abba says: It is obligatory for him to refrain from speaking, as it is stated: “Do not reprove a scorner lest he hate you; reprove a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).” So, every time you refrain from rebuking you are getting a mitzvah! Secondly – to work on your own acceptance and love of others. Even though they are doing the wrong thing, try to judge people favorably. Try to not get upset. Try to focus on your own davening independently of what’s happing around you. Try to increase your avahat Yisrael. Perhaps Hashem is putting in this situation in order for you to work on these things. Again – I truly understand and feel your pain. I pray that you will merit to daven in the most uplifting and halachicly correct minyanim. In the meantime, I send you brachot to continue your great chesed in joy and happiness, with a inner and outer smile. Blessings.