Dear Rabbi, I appreciate your reply. I have some questions. Online I have found an ancient Jewish cemetery in Budapest with much art included both on and around the graves (http://www.budapest101.com/blog/2015/04/22/blog-an-abandoned-jewish-cemetery/#google_vignette). Does this cemetery not in follow Jewish teachings? I appreciate the idea about placing an artwork in a park but my idea really was to make my Grandparents gravesite a more beautiful place. It is not just for my Grandparents, it is for everyone that passes by. Must Jewish cemeteries be stark places? Why cant they be more like the one in Budapest? I have done everything possible to attempt to make amends to my aunt (many more attempts than three). That she cannot forgive is no longer my problem. Some people chose not to forgive. Im done crying. Thank you, Jennifer Levine

Shalom, Thank you for getting back to us. You are correct in noting that different communities have, and have had, slightly different customs when it comes to burial. At one point in Jewish history, we didn’t use our type of burial at all – rather, after the body decomposed, the bones were placed in family sarcophagus. Some cemeteries did have a certain amount of decoration. However, the general practice today is not like the cemetery in Budapest. In fact, as far as I can see, most of the cemetery even in Budapest, is very standard and without too much decoration – apart from the few outstanding grave markers. I can understand your desire to change the nature of the cemetery and make it less stark. But perhaps there is a reason it is the way it is. Perhaps the question isn’t “Must Jewish cemeteries be stark places?”, but rather, “Is there a way I can come to appreciate and understand the practice of so many Jewish communities over so many years?” – even though there might be other points of view and other ways of doing things. Again, I would point out, that a truly Jewish approach to tending to your grandparents memory is to not focus on the grave, but on a living memorial of continued giving and good deeds. I glad to hear you made every attempt with your Aunt. (And you are correct that after doing so, you may move on). May you be blessed with peace and only good.