This week's Torah portion – Chaye Sarah (B'reshit 23,1-25,18) – is one replete with acts of chessed, kindness. Possibly the most famous of them occurred when Rivka gave water not only to Eliezer but to all his camels. In truth, this portion is simply the climax of all the kindnesses of Avraham Avinu. Our Sages enumerate all of Avraham's acts of chessed that are recounted in the Torah. Among them are those of the beginning of Parashat Chaye Sarah, where Avraham put in great efforts to find a burial plot for Sarah, and of course buried her, eulogized her, and wept over her.

But why are these acts considered "kindnesses?" Is it not natural and self-evident that a husband would do this for his wife? 

It must be, then, that Avraham did not do all this simply because he felt he "had to," or because that's what everyone does; he did it from the very source of chessed. 

The very basis and foundation of kindness is not the act of goodness itself; there is rather something that precedes it, and that is the love of kindness. As the Prophet Micha exhorted (6,8): "What does G-d require of you other than to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with G-d." Chessed is not merely a limited human attribute, but is rather an ever-flowing spring. After I thought of this concept, I saw that Rabbeinu Yonah had already written it. One who has a love of kindness is not happy only when he does chessed, but also when someone else does a kindness. As we read in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers, 5,13[16]), one who gives and is happy when others give as well is considered "pious" – and it is also a sign that he is a descendant of Avraham Avinu. The basis of all good attributes is "love," and when one works with love, he is of the seed of Avraham. 

Accordingly, it is clear that Avraham's deeds when his wife died are considered true kindness, for they stem from the very source of chessed, and not just because she was his wife.

Lot, too – Avraham's nephew – performed kindness. The Medrash says that he saved Avraham and did not reveal to Pharaoh that Sarah was his wife. He did this even though it was under dangerous circumstances. However, Lot's chessed did not stem from the very source of kindness, but only because that was what he had learned and that was the custom in his family. It certainly was not rooted in the "love of kindness" that Avraham felt.  

We see this in the way Avraham behaved with the people of Het, from whom he wished to purchase a burial plot. As soon as they said something gracious to him and showed willingness to allow him to acquire the site, he showed them great appreciation by bowing down (B'reshit 23,7). This was not a mere formality, but rather true gratefulness and appreciation of chessed for its own sake. 

The Medrash tells us that the Torah refers to B'nei Het, the men of Het, ten times (including once in Parashat Vay'chi), and that this corresponds to the Ten Commandments. They merited this special status because they acted kindly with Avraham, and "whoever makes a solid deal with a righteous person, it is as if he fulfilled the Ten Commandments." Their leader Ephron, on the other hand, was more concerned with the money that he would receive, as we see from the exorbitant price he exacted; this is why his name was written deficiently, without a vuv, in the verse recounting the payment.

An interesting question arises here: Why did Avraham send emissaries, the people of Het, to their leader Ephron to ask him to agree to the sale? Was this not a violation of the last of the Ten Commandments, namely, "Do not covet?" According to the Medrash P'sikta, this is actually the gravest of all the Ten Commandments, because as the Maharal of Prague explains, the desire and lust for "more" and for things that are not ours is the source of all sin! If not for this lust, there would be no reason to sin! And as we just saw, the men of Het had a connection to the Ten Commandments, so how could Avraham have acted in this way? 

The answer must be that one may not covet something that the owner wants – but in this case, Ephron had no interest in the field, but only in the money that he would receive for it. Avraham wanted the field because he knew that it was the burial place of Adam and Chava, while Ephron had no interest in its special qualities, other than its monetary value. Ephron's guiding principle was money, while for Avraham, it was love of G-d leading to love of kindness.

Translated by Hillel Fendel