- Jewish Laws and Thoughts
- Trial and Difficulties in Life
- Shabbat and Holidays
- The Month of Elul
1024
In my long decades of rabbinic experience I have noticed how children are disappointed in their parents, parents are disappointed in their children, spouses are disappointed with each other, synagogue members are disappointed with their rabbi and rabbis are disappointed with their congregations, in-laws are disappointed with in-laws and this type of list grows endless. Part of the reason for this prevailing sense of disappointment is the presence within us of originally too high expectations. In counseling young couples trying to get past the rough patches of their recent marriage I have always noticed the presence of unreasonably high expectations of each other as being the root of the problem. Life should be approached with high optimism but also with minimal expectations. The Talmud in one of its famous statements teaches: "Why should humans complain and be disappointed? Is it not sufficient that one is still alive?" Reality will always clash with our hopes and plans and feelings of entitlement. The great current Hebrew phrase zeh mah sheyesh - this is the reality of the situation that we face - is the touchstone of Jewish survival and accomplishment over the ages.
If there ever is a people entitled, so to speak, to feel cheated and disappointed it is the Jewish people, hated, hounded and persecuted for centuries on end. Yet, the feeling of disappointment in its unrealized destiny and the Jewish fate and situation generally never was allowed to take hold in Jewish life. And this resistance to allowing the emotion of disappointment to overwhelm our lives extended to the Jewish home and family as well. The Jew was born with lofty ambitions and hopes for spiritual greatness coupled with a lowered level of expectation in worldly matters. Divorce was much rarer in Jewish society than it is today though that does not necessarily mean that all marriages were happy and smooth relationships. But minimizing expectations helped build homes and families on solid foundations. The drive for excessive wealth was also tempered - nevertheless poverty is not a virtue in Jewish life and thought - but standards of living were moderate even when one had the money to live in a grander style. The differences in wealth and grandeur were minimized in Jewish society and this helped squelch a general feeling of disappointment in one’s self or in life generally. Judaism always preached that less is more in all facets of life. Such an attitude will undoubtedly minimize disappointments, which by the way will nevertheless always still occur for that is the stuff that life is made up of.
The month of Elul is a good time for us to deal with our disappointments in life and help minimize if not even dissipate many of them. Forgiveness of others and of ourselves as well is the entry gate to true repentance, mental health and ultimate salvation. Forgiveness is a way to deal with disappointment. It does not eliminate the feeling but it allows one to move on and deal with it in a more positive fashion. This is an important Elul idea to keep in mind and to attempt to implement it in our daily lives year round.
Tragedies
Rabbi Berel Wein | Iyar 22 5781

Stress is Good For You!
Inclined to Recline- "And Yaakov dwelled…."
Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair | Kislev 23 5781
In a Heartbeat
Rabbi Yoel Gold | Cheshvan 26 5782

Sickness as a "Wake-Up Call"
Ein Aya Shabbat 2, 242
Rabbi Ari Shvat | Cheshvan 21 5781

The Day of the Rains and the Giving of the Torah
Rabbi Uzi Kalchaim zt"l | 5770

Why Was Miriam Punished?
Rabbi Yosef Tzvi Rimon | 5777
The Haredi Boycott of Heter Mechira Fruits is Unsustainable
Rabbi Eliezer Melamed | Tamuz 8 5775

Tzel, Tzelem, Tzela – A New Look on the Creation of Man
Rabbi Yossef Carmel | Tishrei 24 57777
Daf Yomi Shevuot Daf 37
R' Eli Stefansky | 11 Sivan 5785
Daf Yomi Shevuot Daf 36
R' Eli Stefansky | 10 Sivan 5785

Orchot Tzaddikim class 58, "Stay Quiet" part iv
Rabbi Ari Shvat | Sivan 5785
