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18 Tishrei 5765

Shomer Negia


Rabbi Chaim Tabasky

Question:
I am currnetly dating this nice girl that was suggested by my Rabbi. I myself am very open minded about not maintaining any contact with the opposite sex and so is this girl. My only problem is why is is so wrong to touch?. If you trully love someone and want to share a kiss or a hug when the right moment of course, why not do so.
What is the worset that can happen.
Please provide me with a good answer.


Answer:
Shalom,

The most difficult part of your question was the last line: Please provide me with a good answer. One man's "good" answer is another's silliness. I was impressed by the seriousness of your request, and will try to express what I believe in a reasonable way.

In the "real" world, that is the world we se and understand, it is unlikely that a hug will "hurt" - of course it is possible that one thing will lead to another and a hug will become a night together or worse, but many people will not fall apart so easily. (Some would argue that if there is even a small chance with some people of an unwanted pregnancy then we should all abstain, but I find the implications of that arguement difficult to maintain in all situations.)
Another arguement is that the kedushah which can be achieved in marriage will be impinged by even pre marital negiah. I won't enlarge on this, but it is a point to ponder. I doubt it would convince the unconvinced.
Ultimately, it is not the "real" world we have to care about, but a hidden, deeper, more inner world, the soul world, maybe HaShem's world. Ultimately we will have to believe, the just as a piece of lobster never stopped a Protestant from being a nice guy, but it is inconsistant with the spiritual demands of a Jew seeking to live the life that G-d through the Torah blesses us with, so too, our blessings and spiritual acheivement will be enhanced by living up to the difficulties of halachic behavior.

I wish you much strength and success,
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