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Ask the rabbi Family and Society Honoring Parents vs. Other Mitzvot

Trouble causing parents

Question
My parents made my life a living hell. With out going in to detail they almost caused a divorce for us. Is there a makor that says shalom bayis over rides kibud av vaem? They seem to think they are in the right all the time. So I distanced my self and cut the relationship off with them permanatly and life couldn't be better now. It has been 7 years and baruch hashem everything is going great! They tried to make a kesher with my kids and use them to get to me like objects,,what a shame! Please advise if I am on the corect derech? I was advised by rabbanim to cut them off like cancer.
Answer
Referring to Jews as a "cancer" is overly harsh and you should refrain from doing so. Since the Jews you refer to are your parents, such a reference violates Kibud Av V'Aim. Kibud Av V'Aim does not, however, obligate you to allow your parents to destroy your marriage. In most cases one would assume that certainly after seven years parents (you and your wife) are strong enough to allow grandparents to visit with them and their grandchildren without their marriage being endangered. If you are still concerned that your marriage is fragile- and you may or may not have good reason for feeling this way- you should consult with a marriage/ family counselor and NOT with rabbis as to how to strengthen your relationship with your wife and, if possible, with your parents.
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