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Second marriage for woman- why less selective


Rabbi Ari Shvat

Kislev 9, 5778
The Gemara in Kiddushin says a lady would marry anybody. Today people say after somebody wife dies the men are much more desperate to remarry then the women are to remarry how does that go with the Gemara in Kiddushin?
Several important answers which are all true and don’t contradict regarding why women tend to be a little less selective in second marriages: 1. Rav Soloveichik explains that women have an intrinsically stronger psychological need for social interaction and constant companionship, and accordingly are willing to be less selective, even today. 2. Secondly, the physical or sexual aspect is more important to men so they may be more desperate but are a little more selective. 3. Sometimes the financial needs or insecurity contribute to a women’s need to be less selective. 4. Men always were desperate to remarry as well (also halachically, men are obligated and women not), but because of the aforementioned reasons, they can usually allow themselves to be a little more selective. In short, women are less selective, but men are more desperate. Being that "darko shel ish lichbosh", the way of the world is that the man searches after the woman desperately, forced to do so out of physical and technical necessities, but the woman, who usually isn't the initiator, reflects her desire for companionship by not being so selective.
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