- Shabbat and Holidays
- Candle Lighting
Shabbat Prayers/Candle Lighting
Question
I’m turning 12 soon and my mother isn’t religious AT ALL. I’m scared that she may be mad or make fun of me if I ask to light candles. If I don’t light candles, but say shabbat prayers and follow the rules, (I can’t follow some, like carrying, possibly texting/calling, or going in a vehicle/car because of a camp trip and she may want me to go somewhere on shabbat and may may make fun of me or be mad if I say stuff about shabbat.) will it be okay? When I’m an adult, I’ll try to celebrate, but as a kid, I’m kinda limited. HELP!
Answer
Wow- I really admire you for your determination and idealism, to stick to what you believe in, even when it’s tough! True, our fore-fathers used to sacrifice much more than we do today (often even giving their lives) for the Shabbat and their (and our!) beliefs, yet every generation has its unique challenge, and your scenario is typical of tens of thousands of young people today all over the world. For 3,200 years, almost all Jews observed Shabbat, until about 150 years ago when assimilation weakened significant numbers of our people. Today, once again, many young people, like yourself, are returning to their Jewish roots, joining the millions of observant and traditional brothers and sisters, so the future is brighter than ever! Nevertheless, standing up to family or peer-pressure, is not easy, especially at your age and when you’re living at home, so accordingly, the “Living Torah” of Jewish law obviously takes such difficulties into account. The general rule is: observe whatever you can, whenever you can, because every single religious action is significant. Like you suggest, continue saying the Shabbat prayers and follow whatever Jewish and Shabbat rules that you can, even if you can’t light candles or observe certain things on that particular Shabbat. On the other hand, if occasionally your mother isn't home, or you’re visiting relatives who wouldn’t mind (they might even like Jewish traditions!), then by all means light when you can, even if it’s just occasionally. Please keep me updated how it’s going, and feel free to contact me and ask any additional questions or to discuss any other difficulties which may arise in the future!
Shabbat Shalom and all the blessings for success in your connecting with your special Jewish identity and roots!
Rav Ari

Early Shabbat Candle Lighting
Rabbi Yoel Lieberman | Av 6, 5782

Shabbos candles
Rabbi Yoel Lieberman | Shevat 23, 5782

Lighting Shabbat Candles
Various Rabbis | 17 Av 5767

Candle lighting with a flashlight
Rabbi Chaim Tabasky | 16 Cheshvan 5767

Rabbi Ari Shvat
Lectures at various yeshivot, michlalot and midrashot. Has published many books & Torani articles and is in charge of Rav Kook’s archives.

baruch hamavdil
Adar I 23, 5771

Bircat baalat habayit
Shevat 7, 5771

Ayin hara and Rambam
Tevet 28, 5771

Orlah fruit trees
Adar I 5, 5771

Is Super Glue Kosher?
Rabbi Jonathan Blass | 19 Adar 5764
Genesis 24: 2-9 – Put your hand under my thigh
Rabbi Moshe Leib Halberstadt | Tevet 26, 5770

Scooter on Shabbat
Rabbi Chaim Tabasky | 30 Cheshvan 5767

When does the Jewish day begin?
Rabbi David Sperling | Nisan 10, 5775

Follow-up question on names
Rabbi Yoel Lieberman | Shevat 9, 5783

How can someone change their community?
Rabbi David Sperling | Shevat 11, 5783

Organization
Various Rabbis | Shevat 10, 5783
