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parents oppose boyfriend


Rabbi Ari Shvat

Nisan 2, 5776
Hello... I was recently offered a very nice guy for a shidduch but my parents don’t approve because he is a yeshiva boy. They think that he can’t provide for a family, and that he will take advantage and try to live off my parents... I really want to go out with him, and I think that yeshiva is the best option... Must I listen to my parents or can I go out anyway?
Hashem Imach, The Chavot Yair and Maharik both deal with the framework of honoring one's parents and both agree that a grown son or daughter must only listen to their parents regarding things that they need, e.g. like bringing them a cup of coffee. On the other hand, regarding your life and your decisions, they obviously can and should be asked for advise, but you do not have to listen to them and can decide on your own, regarding whom to marry, what to study, where to live, etc. This psak is cited halachically by the poskim (Rama, Yoreh De'a, 240, 25). Disagreement should be done in a respective way, yet nevertheless, it's your decision. In addition, make sure you clarify to the boy that your parents don’t intend to support you.
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