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Question
It has just be brought to my attention that a commonly asked question when redding a Shidduch is if the mother had gone to the Mikvah or not. Is there a halachic problem if as a Baal Teshuva the mother did not go to the Mikvah? Is this a legitimate concern?
Answer
It is wrong to deny the children of Baalei Teshuva or those who are Baalei Teshuva themselves the possibility of marrying into religious families. Such a policy would work to discourage Teshuva (see Shuโ€t Chelkat Yaakov Even HaEzer 11). HaRav Moshe Feinsteinโ€™s conclusion in dealing with this specific question (Iggrot Moshe Even HaEzer 4, 14) is that a person who is observing Torah, who is of good character and who is G-d fearing can be assumed to be the son of someone who was not a Nidda (perhaps without any religious intent his mother bathed in the ocean or a lake prior to his birth). There are many considerations- love of Torah and the Jewish People, fear of G-d, idealism, compatibility- that are much more important in finding a Shidduch than the consideration mentioned in your question. I suspect that putting a misplaced emphasis on this kind of factor diminishes the importance of what is really essential and sidesteps the need to address real questions of personality.
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