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  • Family and Society
  • Marital Relationships

follow up question on "eternal marriage"


Rabbi Yoel Lieberman

Elul 3, 5775
thank you. do you think that Adam and Eve would remain a couple forever if they lived forever? Their romance would not wear off? They would not decide they got tired of marriage altogether and move out from each and pursue other interests (not other people)? Can you tell me something more about a couple constituting a complete human being? This would make divorce a non-sense.
ב"ה Shalom I don't know if Adam and Eve are role model couples to learn from, from a Torah perspective. Though they were the first couple, and according to Rabbinic literature G-d took an active role in their marriage, their behavior afterwards was not exemplary. Eva was enticed by the snake. She then caused her husband to sin. Later, when Adam is reproved by G-d for eating from the tree of knowledge, he blames Eva for his failure and is ungrateful for the wife which G-d gave him. So we need not use them as an example. Furthermore, romance is not the only factor in married life. It is indeed an important component with ramifications on married life, but is not something couples are preoccupied with all the time. In my previous answer I mentioned a few tips on this issue. Married life is mostly working together facing life's challenges in managing the household, raising and educating and our children, managing at the work place, dealing with our friends and neighbors, worshiping G-d., and the list goes on. We work and think as a couple. We enrich and complete each other with our life experiences, and with our values, and yes sometimes with our criticism of each other. Additionally, life is dynamic. People do not stay the same or stay in the same place. They mature and make progress. The same way a person gets promoted at work or suddenly in the middle of life people make a change in their careers. The same is in married life, when a couple gets along and bring out the best in each other new talents and new interests are discovered , individual and mutual, new pursuits of happiness are tried.. A person happy in marriage in most cases will find in their spouse a lot more than they bargained for in the first place. As far as a couple being a complete being, this is a subject which is dealt with greatly in Rabbinic literature. The Torah itself states it is not good for man to be alone and that a man must leave his parent's home and be with his wife. In the Talmud it says that a person without a wife is lacking blessing, goodness and joy. Elsewhere the Talmud discusses how the husband and wife work as a team in the practical sense, whereas the husband does his share and the wife does the fine tuning and there is much more. All the best
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