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Woman covering hair while with husband

Rabbi Ari ShvatKislev 23, 5773
227
Question
I have never been clear on this issue perhaps the Rabbi’s can help. Is a married woman allowed to leave her hair completely uncovered when she is alone with her husband in their bedroom (especially when having relations.) I’m asking about someone who is of course makpid to have their hair covered at all times (because of the Zohar, etc.) Would that *also* apply in such a situation?
Answer
Firstly, it’s most important to stress that almost all of the poskim allow a married woman to reveal all of her hair at home, if there are no men around from outside the family, and this is clearly the mainstream of halacha. Even among those who choose to cover their hair all of the time in front of their children, in the privacy of the bedroom, even the stringent custom is to show their hair to their husband, unless he is davening or saying kri’at shma, at which time he should turn around. Even those more stringent poskim, conspicuously omit (!) the gmara about Kimchit, who accepted upon herself to “not let (even) the beams of my home see my braid” (Yoma 47a, which might have also included when having relations)), because it’s clearly referring to a personal stringency which one virtuous woman did, and was expressly not the norm, not in her time and not afterwards. How much more so is it highly advisable in today’s society of temptation, for everyone to be lenient in the bedroom for one’s husband, not only because that’s the halacha, but additionally, it’s illogical, unfair and unhealthy that her husband sees the attractive hair of almost all women, except that of his wife! In general, all stringencies regarding such halachot should be honestly and openly discussed between husband and wife, and decided mutually, before accepting any non-obligatory stricter opinion, which in the end may have even sub-consciously, negative marital repercussions, which is undoubtedly a cardinal factor in halacha. With Love of Israel, Rav Ari Shvat
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