Why shouldn't we be able to recognize our bashert though? Or can we, and if so, how?

It's better not to think too much about our "bashert" for it often (!) throws people off the mark, turning things "inside out" and "upside down" rather than seeing things as they really are, through natural and straightforward human understanding. Act naturally and as we wrote before, use your common sense, intuition, free-will and pray! All of life includes the interaction between man's free-will and God's "running the show". But we have to focus on our (!) side of that equation, and don't worry, God will grant us that which is best for us (BTW, that often doesn't mean the easiest way!!). Again, our role is to destine fate, and succeed through love, giving, altruism, understanding, etc., after (!) the marriage (everyone experienced will tell you that the main key to success is after the marriage). Don't waste time or confuse yourself trying to figure out what God is doing, for you probably won't understand anyway, and He wants us to do our part, not His.