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  • Family and Society
  • Head Covering

Hair Covering and Shalom Bayit

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Rabbi Gideon Weitzman

Av 8, 5770
Question
I cover my hair with a scarf (all of it) and was recently told (by my husband - we just got married a few weeks ago) that if my ponytail can be seen (even slightly) or if strands of hair are poking out at the temples that this is a problem. Am I not being stringent enough in this mitzvah if I am not extremely careful to avoid this? Is it his resposibility to tell me if he notices it? I have asked my Rebbetzin and she says it’s my mitzvah, and that he shouldn’t interfere if it’s creating conflict between us. (We have already had several arguments about him pointing it out and expecting me to fix it right away, and it’s becoming a real shalom bayit issue.)
Answer
Shalom U'verachah, The halacha is that the head and hair should be covered, however, there are various customs as to how much hair can be seen and this is dependant on the accepted societal norms in your society. I do not agree that this is an issue that you alone can decide on, but I would advise both of you to discuss it calmly and then together speak to your Rav who will guide you as to how best perform the mitzvah and the important mitzvah of shalom bayit. Kol Tuv
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