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My Daughter


Rabbi Elchanan Lewis

16 Iyyar 5767
My Rabbi and my wife want my daughter to marry the Rabbi’s son. My daughter says she is not in love with him nor is she attracted to him. He is 11 years older than her ,does not work , does leave the house and studies the talmud all day. My daughter is an investemnt banker and does very very well. She is very beautiful and atheltic ( skiing, tennis , traveling ( Isreal) ) . She is a marathon runner. My daugther says it is not our decsion , but hers and the answer is no and a lot of words a cannot say. She wants love and compatablity in a marrage . The rabbi say the marriage would be very good for his son because my daughter could support him and children for the rest of their lives. The rabbi says it is Hashems will that my daughter marry his son. Can this be true? Can it be Hashems will? Pls help . I am sick with worry and distress. I will not disown my child no matter what. What does Jewish law recquire?
If the story is as you tell it, the Halachic Jewish view is very simple. A woman should not marry whom she doesn't want. As simple as that; even if his father is a rabbi. (Shulchan Aruch EH 42:1 see also Rem"a ibid 2:1) It is her life and her future, she is not a little child (and even then it is against the Halacha; ibid 37:8), the decision to marry is not the parents, it must be the will of the son or daughter involved (ibid Rem"a YD 240:25). I find it hard to believe that these were the words of your rabbi; following the Torah is Hashem's will, not forcing a person into a relationship he or she are not happy with. I am confident that your daughter can make the right decisions for herself, have faith in her, she sounds like a girl you can trust. All the best.
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