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Ask the rabbi Torah and Jewish Thought Repentance

Forgiveness vs. Forgetting

Rabbi Chaim Tabasky10 Tishrei 5765
660
Question
This past year many people have treated me very badly - caused me great emotional and financial pain. I forgive them. But, how do I forget the pain which was caused? This hurts me daily...
Answer
Your ability to forgive is important and praiseworthy. In fact, forgiving is the closest we can get to performing a G-dlike act. I strongly suggest that you take comfort in that most important step. As you know, if you still feel hurt there is more work to be done. The ultimate goal of forgiving a person is to reestablish (or begin if it didn't exist before) a relationship of freindship. If this cannot be done, then you will have to seek counselling on how to relieve your own hurt and pain, but if it is possible, then consider whether broaching the subject directly or through a common friend is best. One last point. Are you sure the hurt you feel is a result of the wrong you suffered, and not the product of self doubt or self criticism. Consider if you feel secure in your own personality.
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